The Vas Differens Makes A Vast Difference

I'm not deliberately withdrawing from the world as much as I'm just losing interest. I don't get mutually excited with other people about the stuff that gets them going. I ran across this porn site that had free videos I could look at just by clicking on them. It wasn't that long ago that watching naked people having sex together would have glued me to my monitor. Now, I get bored pretty fast, and surf on to find something to watch that interests me. My opinion about sex not even moving me around and exciting me anymore is that if sex can't motivate me, just what the hell will?

I don't watch much television, and when I do it's old folks stuff. I haven't been to the movies in years. I don't listened to recorded music, and don't go to where any live music is playing. External activity designed by professionals to emotionally stimulate me is either stupid or boring. Why would I give these people a shot at upsetting my peace and quiet? All I have to do to avoid them is not give them money.

It's difficult for me to get motivated to practice playing the piano anymore because most of the thoughts I have entertained about playing music ends up with me having sex with somebody. Why else would i use music to stir people up? My playing the scales is an intellectual pursuit, and anybody who has read my crap for a while has got to have noticed my interpretation about the true dynamics of "Curiosity kills the cat" means that when I get curious about what life means to a woman, it usually kills her interest in having sex with me.

If a woman indicates some initial interest in having sex with me, intellectual discussions tend to destroy that interest every time. No blame. Sex is just not that complicated. It's what couples do to make babies. Any deviation from procreation as the real purpose for people having sex together is open for discussion though, and it's my loss of interest in the kinky side of things that worries me into thinking the thrill is dead and gone. Now what?

What's left from the treasures I've stored on Earth to interest anybody into being with me or around me for any reason, since love and/or money is not that much a part of my life to draw people's interest toward me at all. I don't want nothing they got that they treasure, and I got nothing they want to give themselves up to me for.

Sex and money are opposites in the Zodiac. They're represented by Scorpio and Taurus. In my natal chart the Sun and Moon inhabit Taurus, and my Ascending Sign on the eastern horizon is Scorpio. A person's life long goal are represented in astrology by the placement of the Sun in the natal chart. In my case, Taurus. One's day to day goals in life are represented by the Sign intercepted by the first house (eastern horizon), and in my natal chart it's Scorpio. My life goals and my daily goals are in direct opposition by Sign and degree.

I never had no money to speak of. Especially disposable cash. I have had a lot of sex partners. Hundreds at least, thousands perhaps, if the truth were known. That all ended when I had a vasectomy and lost my second wife. She emasculated me and then left me high and dry. No blame. I too have sinned.

That was then, this is now. I've only had a few sexual partners since 1982, and what happened between us wasn't a powerful enough experience to keep us together, and in each case, our breaking up was directly attributable to my abject apathy. Now that sex nor money play a positive role in my life, I seem to be at my wit's end. I got no reason to do what used to interest me about living.

I've studied and mastered a lot of rituals that appear to allow me to manipulate people to get what I want from them. That scares the hell out of a lot of people about me. It doesn't seem to make them more comfortable when I ask them to point out what I've gained from my ability to induce a state of lust and wanting in them. I call for habeas corpus. Where's the bodies? Where are my victims to offer testimony against my evil ways. It's not there for them to point to. I just learned that stuff to protect myself against the other using me that way.

Little did I know that other people seem to think they're as gullible as I think I am. That we're all on board the ship of fools. If I would have realized that other people felt as victimized by life as I have, I wouldn't have had to jump through all those hoops I did to learn how to recognize the other's misdirection.

One of the other things about life I seem to have been pretty stupid about was that it usually wasn't the other people using me as a dupe as much as I volunteered for it just to see what happened next. There's been a lotta that. Having sex with another person out of mere curiosity instead of truly desiring them as an individual has probably been the bane of my ex-is-tense.

As noted above, however, none of that mess has been going on for a very long time. The vasectomy did not remove my ability to become aroused or perform in some adequate manner. Indifference did. Snipping my vas differens into and suturing them off made a vas-t differen-ce in my attitude toward recreational sex. I couldn't get a woman pregnant. What's the point? I felt like a ghoul. Using people's need for procreation to take advantage of them. It doesn't seem to have made any differens that they wanted me to. With the current question being: What now?

Taurus and Scorpio are only two of the twelve signs. Each of them have their own special interest and direction. I've dabbled in all the various pathways and toyed with the other's archetypes. I don't get any satisfaction from indulging what's left of my curiosity. I seem to be on felix's ninth life, and when this one's over. That's that. Praise God!