One of the reasons I write this crap is to get to the non-crap part. When I enter flow I write all sorts of strange stuff that I can't prove or want to prove. I'm not here on Earth in the role of a world savior. I just like to write. I've never submitted one word to a publisher in the hope I'd get rich and famous. That would spoil it for me. I know some writers who have been published. They seem to end up not liking themselves very much. Many times they end up murdering theyselves.
I've run into some material that some consider to be secret stuff, but, in my opinion, it's not a secret at all. It's just that, so far, I haven't been satisfied with my descriptions. By form it's difficult to hold one ideation in place while I hold another ideation in place by which to compare it. It is what it's not, and it not what it is. So-me call this dilemma a paradox.
I'm trying to describe it in terms of lucid dreaming. I've had lucid dreams before, but not deliberately. By that, I mean to say I've never had much luck deliberately setting out to do lucid dreaming before I went to sleep at night, and then have it happen when I doze off. When it happens, it happens spontaneously or not at all.
I don't wanna get into no long diatribe about my efforts in the past to enter lucid dreaming of my own free will. I've kept dream diaries/journals in several different eras in my seventy year old life in some futile attempt to realize I'm dreaming in real time, and control what happens in the dream once I do. Lucid dreaming at night after I enter the sleep cycles at night are not that interesting to me any more.
What is interesting to me about lucid dreaming is that I do practically the same thing when I wake up in the morning to prepare to do lucid dreaming during my waking hours. I think I'm addressing the same state of being as when I get "lost in time" driving my car on familiar routes. I forget what happens during the time I'm driving when I get where I'm going as I do when I forget the haphazardness of the usual dreams I entertain at night. Say, by ten a.m., they're gone unless they were a sex dream I experienced pleasure in or a horrid nightmare.
The thing about lucid dreaming at night while I'm asleep is that when I wake up enough to realize I'm currently dreaming, I appear to be able to take control of the dream and do what I wanna do instead of dreadfully anticipate where this dream is gonna go next. Isn't this the exact same ritual I engender when I become conscious in the morning. True, I usually have to urinate before I can start planning my day, but I do plan my day when I wake up just like I might plan a dream when I become aware that I'm dreaming.
"Row, row, row your boat
merrily down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily...
Life is but a dream."
I do not attempt to tell the God's own truth here because I don't know what the truth is or hardly ever. I try to capture the drifting thoughts that randomly appear in my imagination for reasons I may not understand. I don't know if the content I capture with these words is true or false. The Comments settings are turned off to prevent me from having to defend what amounts to little more than fanciful, sometime crude speculation. Great moments in our lives never return.
