I don't have things nailed down that tight these days about what's wot these days. Everything could be anything or nothing at all. I've begun to realize that some of the more significant moments in my life are more interrelated that I had allowed for. Interdependent, co-dependent, and sequential in a way I'd never knowingly apperceived before as the piece to play as the crown and the thorn.
Much of what's gnawing at me now has to do with the question I've raised for myself about how to distinguish between the results of using a system of expertise as opposed to reaching for a talent or gift from God.
I semi-concluded that one approach required a learning curve, while the other was a vocation that didn't offer options for reframing once called. Maybe it's sort of like that or not. Currently it seems like or appears to be like both approaches of gift and expertise are needed one for the other, and moreover, they need to work together like a pair of eyes.
This last year or so I read Jean-Paul Sartre's masterwork Being and Nothingness at bedtime. It took a long time and I never felt certain that I understood his intent, but I kept on keeping on and finished the whole thing. Somewhere I read that it was recommended to go back after reading the whole book and read the Introduction again, so I'm doing that. I find it difficult to believe that I got anything at all from the first reading of Being and Nothingness, because I had completely missed out on some much of what is told in the Introduction.
I'm reading very slow and repeating myself deliberately. I read a couple of pages a night, and then read the same two pages the next night, and then another one or two. The repetition and redundancy seems to fill me up with me-and-ing. Last night I meditated for an hour before I went upstairs to go to bed, and so I wasn't sleepy. I read several pages aloud and three or four other pages to repeat tonight. When I turned out the light to sleep I was positively glowing from thinking I got it this time.
I do not attempt to tell the God's own truth here because I don't know what the truth is or hardly ever. I try to capture the drifting thoughts that randomly appear in my imagination for reasons I may not understand. I don't know if the content I capture with these words is true or false. The Comments settings are turned off to prevent me from having to defend what amounts to little more than fanciful, sometime crude speculation. Great moments in our lives never return.
