There is this one guy in the same grade as me in high school who looks at me with askance still because my father gave him a failing grade that stopped him from playing in an all-star baseball game. He not only hated my father, but his entire family nearly fifty years later. I can feel the angst when he spots me sitting in the local cafe. He uses me to torture himself constantly over a long time.
If this man lives long enough he won't remember my father or his family, but he might remember playing baseball. It got him a lot of attention. He and his cousin kept playing baseball and then softball for as long as they could. This guy worked in a factory all his working years, but his cousin turned out to become a successful farmer. At least, so they say. I became someone else after my remembering vision. The person I became was the one I always become after I've occupied a certain body for a while. Eventually, I ignored the experiences of the personality who occupied it before me, and made those experiences just a part of the bigger picture. They became a small fish in a big pond, whereas before, they were a big fish in a small pond. Shit happens. Things change.
I have this theory I'll probably never be able to prove. It's about what old people forget when they experience dementia, senility, or Alzheimer's. I'm thinking they forget the academic stuff they learned. The facts they need to keep a job. I think they forget their own rules of conscience. The very stuff from which they created their precious personality.
I have trouble with that myself. Nobody knows how long i sit here sometime trying to remember some simple term or phrase or the title of some book I really enjoyed and took from. I don't think I'll forget what I experienced in my remembering vision as a experiential database, but that happens in real time, and not something I can rely on except for how I respond to current situations. It was created situationally, and that's how it's available. It depends on sources that are not temporary like personalities.
I'm dreading going to my car insurer to report this accident and see what I have to do to get my car repaired. it wasn't my fault, but somehow I'm suspicious they'll find some way of charging me more yearly. I have to do it though. I have to drive over there and stand around while somebody else decides my fate. This will probably be the case more and more often. I'm as ready as anybody can get as far as I'm concerned.
On the other hand, I might not live long enow to suffer the ravages of old age. I might get the opportunity to swap bodies with some distraught young person again. I don't think those kinds of decisions are made consciously. Consciousness is rather ineffectual in dealing with the world of instinct. I've seen myself taken over by instinct many a ti-me, and all the better for it.
A while back I realized I was taking fish oil for the omega 3 in it, and what that was really all about is vitamin D. Since I've been taking prescribed doses of calcium with 500 IUs of vitamin D included with it twice a day I decided to stop taking the fish oil. Now, i've changed my mind again. It wasn't hard to do since I have a ready supply of 1200 mg capsules on hand. I read an article that convinced me the fish oil had more value than just vitamin D.
I was also prescribed folic acid pills because the methotrexate depletes the body of that vitamin. It surprised me to be prescribed vitamins, but not so much calcium by the VA. It's free, as in beer, because that was part of the contract I signed with the Navy back then. It's not that easy any more. They changed the contracts. The all volunteer Army gets less.
The Congress ought to reinstitute the draft to at least replace the present slavery of forcing the soldiers to stay in the service longer than they signed up for. The guys who have been on the rotating shifts to Iraq are being driven crazy, and I live too near Fort Bragg to feel safe. Bush and Cheney should be arrested and tried in a court of law for what they did. If they're innocent, set them free. If they're found guilty of torturing people, then they ought to be jailed in Abu Ghralb with it run by the Iraqis. They preached "an eye for an eye":, now let them live it.
I do not attempt to tell the God's own truth here because I don't know what the truth is or hardly ever. I try to capture the drifting thoughts that randomly appear in my imagination for reasons I may not understand. I don't know if the content I capture with these words is true or false. The Comments settings are turned off to prevent me from having to defend what amounts to little more than fanciful, sometime crude speculation. Great moments in our lives never return.
