Another Rainy Day That Brings Clarity

☧

Yesterday was a sort of test for me with this new diet. The wheatgrass we planted has at least a few days before it's ready to be harvested and I didn't have any to eat. So, I started eating my potted plants. There! I've done it now! I've gone loopy. The end is near!

The end probably is near. I can't understand why living just to take medicine to live is any life at all. That's about all I do anymore. I get up and take my medicine, and then wait until sunset to take more medicine. I worry about whether I did take my medicine or not. I'd rather die horribly than to merely survive.

I'm not really worried about dying. I've done it before. I don't even worry about the pain of death. I've experienced horrible pain before. It's just that I have other fish to fry than to sit around waiting to take medicine for something I caused myself by my own neglect.

The potted plants I ate were ornamental kale and cabbage. I just bought the two plants I gathered the bottom leaves from. I have another ornamental kale plant I've had a few weeks. It's become a giant. I keep picking one leaf at a time from the bottom of it and eating it raw since before my sister-in-law influenced me to start using wheatgrass.

I only started thinking about using a juicer since she showed me how. It's because I've gotten so snaggle-toothed over the years that I haven't thought too much about eating raw food. I don't have any upper molars left in my mouth, and only three molars on the bottom. One of those seems like it's ready to die on me too. What a drag, man.

The absence of teeth to chew with hasn't been a source of worry for me. The way my mouth looks has crossed my mind. I've still got all my front teeth. One of the large ones right in front is chipped. It got cracked by one of Jerry Lee Lewis's body guards in a fight I didn't start, and took forty years to finally break off.

The dentist showed me he could fix it, and he did. The repair job keeps breaking. Each time he fixes it he takes a little more of the original tooth away. I stopped getting it done. That's what I'll eventually do with the medicine.

At least, that's the plan. There ain't no accounting for how I'll react to the pain. It can get to be too much, but I'm the only person on Earth who can know what I'm experiencing. If I explain what's going on the other has to interpret what I say or write, and try to understand by their own relationship with what pain they have experienced. They'll hear me say what they think they have experienced. Not.

I'm still taking the methotrexate, but I only have a two week supply. The doctor at the VA Hospital in Durham still hasn't renewed my old prescriptions. I won't use the new stuff he prescribed. I don't know for sure what a Mexican Standoff is, but I think we're sorta having one. Funny thing is, he's of Chinese descent and I'm about as WASPy as it gets. Thank God we're both Americans.

I think I'm already getting some good results from the diet. I was warned about what's happening. My sister-in-law said that I might start divesting myself of lots of mucus. The way it's showing up is in my sinuses. I can really tell it's working when I go to bed at night and when I wake up and when I meditate. I can breath. My sinuses do appear to be clearing up. Oh, joy! ....Really!

Those aforementioned times is when I have to turn my attention to my stuffed sinuses, and that's the problem. They're the very times I do not need to have stuffed up sinuses. I have to do something out of the ordinary to clear them up so I can go to sleep and when I sit to practice meditation. I have to clear them first, and that part of it has put me off from doing it at times.

Literally, when my breathing is right, I can go places. By that I mean that if I can control my breathing I can leave my body and go astral traveling, and if my sinuses are stopped up I can't be bothered. At the moment I can abandon my body to do that, my body goes through the same transition it does when I get there in a sensory deprivation float tank, and all the lactic acid in my muscles is instantly converted to something less demanding of my attention.

It really seemed like when I got my priorities straight I started having problems with my health, so I might as well say that my health problems caused me to get my priorities straight. That seems rather odd doesn't it. Now I'm hoping that with my priorities straight I can address my health problems.

I read in Ann Bigmore's book called The Wheatgrass Book that her hair turned back to it's natural color. I don't particularly want that to happen. I've let my beard and hair grow for a couple of months now, and I'm beginning to like how it looks.

The computer I bought has a built-in camera and I finally learned how to take pictures of myself. It's quite simple. It even does movies. That makes it simple to make podcasts if I wanna. What I didn't expect was for the mail program to take one of those pics I took and insert it into my e-mails without telling me it was doing it. It was unexpected, and yet I don't know if I want to change it.
☦