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The human body is very strange to me these days. I've been having some problems with sore spots on my lips and mouth that I've tried all sorts of creams and diet changes, and nothing worked. It turns out that it's the same problem I have on my toes. It's odd to me that I had to figure this out for myself, but that's the VA Hospital system. It's hard to bite the hand that feeds me. I don't expect much. I rather enjoy doing for myself.
It's incurable. Like the rheumatoid arthritis and osteoporosis. Some experts think it's hereditary. Its "the heartbreak called psoriasis." It's not contagious. It's not going to kill me outright, but some irritating pain is involved. Hot, spicy foods burn these spots.
It makes my lips swell a bit. Enough so that the additional thickness causes me to accidentally bite down on the spots that are already sore. That's the worst part. I don't know exactly what it looks like to others in face-to-face situations because the cataracts in my eyes keep me from being able to focus on it well.
Getting the cataracts removed has been a non-rewarding pursuit until recently. I have an appointment at the VA Hospital with the eye surgeon. I have a little bit of an idea of what could happen from my previous encounter with an independent eye surgeon here in town. He measured my eyeball for the correct size lens to replace the cataracts.
The reason I didn't get that surgeon to do it was because of some question about whether the insurance company would pay the remainder of the bill after what comes with Social Security would pay, and there was some question about whether Social Security would pay either.
Now, with the VA Hospital doing the surgery I won't have to worry about paying anything. I don't have a choice about which surgeon will perform the procedure, but the government contracts the surgeon to do it, and so I know it will probably be a greedy one who wants the additional money for to pay for his Christmas.
I'm more prone to trust greedy people. Why would I not? According to my occult studies, specifically the Enneagrams, avarice is what they call my chief feature. Most of my problems arrive as a result of me clinging to stuff longer than it has value to me.
The entire point of this particular lifetime seems to be about me learning to let go of what I've falsely considered valuable. I've had to learn to trust myself despite my inclination to act like the fictionalized "Bah! Humbug!" guy.
There is more of me than I can possibly be. Ever. There is not enough ti-me in one human life to be-co-me with all the possibilities that came with this body. Of course, it was already fourteen years old when I got it through bartering with the young spirit who had it before me.
For my me there was only a glimmering of this exchange in a whispery unembodied transaction. I was out of my last old body and the young spirit was with his pubescent body when the bargain was struck, sealed, and approved. Once it was all over but the shouting, the exchange happened almost immediately.
Perhaps it just seemed that way because time always flies when I-am-is has fun. Getting a comparatively new body in exchange for an old one has eternally been fun for I-am-is. Mostly because I-am-is-me. I-am-is the adventurer most of the ti-me, but only because it has a tie-to-me (ti-me). So, its not actually I-am-is that has the fun that makes time fly, as much as it is my me, and by extension, the me.
So-me-ti-me the more-of-me is all there is, because I-am-is on hiatus. In this case, I-am-is cannot "be" me. It is "being" so-me-thing else than this or that. The whole point of I am is to be something, but the only procedure that allows it to "be" something is to deny whatever it was to be that or this. My God is a jealous God. '-)
Atonement (at-one-me-nt) doesn't do the me-and-thee-ing bit. They can't ex-is-t in the sa-me town. It-is (cornucopia) ain't big enough for them both when push co-me-s to shove. It's an enigma wrapped in a paradox. The whole point of I-am is to be something.
It really doesn't have any thing to do without being something, and when it ain't nothing it's just "crying time again, you gonna leave me". It can be-co-me anything the me wants it to. I am is has no sha-me. It will do anything for me. I am is mah bitch! Man.... Wot chew talking?
You've probably seen I am in action. I made up a little poem to define it a bit:
I am is this
I am is that
It gnows
ten ways to
skin a cat.
So, does I-am-is disappear when my me is atoned with the me? Maybe not, and it seems to get a little huffy about being snubbed while the personal me and the universal me commune. In the Wilhelm/Baynes translation of the I Ching this is symbolized by two mountains sitting back to back. The equivalent Greek God is Janus. The all-seeing center of both future and past. WiseDome.
In the cultivated mind I am can't be me any ol' ti-me it needs comforting. It's gotta wait it's turn. The personal me is not gonna give up an intimate condition with the universal me without disfavor. Like a young doG, I-am-is goes through it's entire repertoire of care actors to attract the me away from it's father, but it's a once in a life time deal. Fat chance ...eh?
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I do not attempt to tell the God's own truth here because I don't know what the truth is or hardly ever. I try to capture the drifting thoughts that randomly appear in my imagination for reasons I may not understand. I don't know if the content I capture with these words is true or false. The Comments settings are turned off to prevent me from having to defend what amounts to little more than fanciful, sometime crude speculation. Great moments in our lives never return.
