Foregone Conclusions

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This morning I composed a comment on one of the Gospel of Thomas sayings. I've been doing that every morning for a few weeks now. Hardly anybody else in the discussion group is writing presently. I don't think it will come back to life again. The sole moderator seems to have lost interest.

There were several list members who wrote like they hated her. But, either she finally got the guts to throw them off the list or they withdrew on their personal awareness of having lost some sort of battle that was really with themselves.

The battle they apparently didn't know they were fighting has been going on forever within themselves. Interactively participating in e-mail discussion groups on any topic or subject that interests a person will eventually teach them more about what's wot with themselves than any other activity I'm aware of. YMMV

Describing the contents of one's conscious mind to a receptive audience (who might argue with you) is not easy for anybody it seems. A person has to be their own witness to events that clarify intent, but only the intent of the witness who reads into wot happened each their own way. In being your own witness the whole point is that there is nobody to turn to in some grand exuberance and say, "Damn! Did you see that?"

Being your own-li-est witness means that you gotta act or be still of your own volition without waiting for approval or taboo. To make decisions based on your own individually acquired foresight obviates the other's opinion or judgment as an external goto. Not from disrespect. There just ain't ti-me.

Besides, movement or rest by another's sayso is unproductive. It's acting as if you have somebody else to blame for shame, humiliation, and loss instead of yourself. I am is very forgiving of it's own mistakes of judgment, but it gets confused when it does as it does for the sake of another's approval.

Describing the attributes of myself that I seem required to project upon some innocent in order to serve as my own witness is a tricky business. It tremulously invokes the business of simultaneity in which polar opposites are equalized in value.

The tedious process of keeping still in the midst of movement begs for simultaneity. Not being sucked into the vacuum of the future nor dragged into the baggage of the past requires non-commitment of a heroic proportion. Yet, if I step outside my focus to pat myself on the back, my insight is thus "fare gone" (Goethe)

Being persistently under the influence of foregone conclusions can be maddening. Particularly if I seem obsessed with not blaming the mindset I employed on the wicked influence of my nemesis' and crazed tormentors.

I went a little nuts trying to retrieve the term "nemesis" just now. It's not a word I've used a lot in my life. Only since I've been writing on the internet and exchanging e-mails with people whose intent becomes more lucid when they themselves attempt to compose their own thoughts.

The only term I came up with that came close to nemesis was "tormentors". The Dictionary.app was unhelpful, so I right-clicked to have "tormentors" sent out to the internet for some clue. Just after I clicked to use the internet for a clue, however, "nemesis" popped into my imagination. I almost ignored it's appearance.

The above example serves the point of my first paragraphs. I needed the term "nemesis" to carry or define more exactly what I wanted to communicate. It wasn't there for me. Images of the people I've accused of being a nemesis of mine did show up, but not the term itself.

Retrieving that word is an act of responsibility to myself. I am is the only one who can perform the necessary rituals to re-discover the terms I need to compose my opinions. I evoked I am to bring the term "nemesis" to me like it might have happened in a old fairy tale by rubbing an lamp or shouting "Open Sesa-me!"

In a way I guess I'm claiming that, for me, composing verbal descriptions of the magic I evoke in order to have the I am serve my me is legerdemain at it's most humane use. It's an old, old story, yet I have to write it in my own way to seek the grail or weave a magic carpet for traveling to lands far away.

I came very close to missing the blatant appearance of the term "nemesis" when it made it's appearance in my mind's eye. Even the slightest distraction would have dislodged it and there is not telling when it would return. When it does it's often inappropriate for the situation in which it arrives, and my rejection of it out of hand only drives it away from further usage.

If I depended on other people to enlighten me I wouldn't have the time to serve two masters. If some psychic mentor had "seen" the term nemesis pop up in my mind's eye, and nudged me from my reverie to point that out, his untimely interjection would have prevented me from acting on what became real only to my own recognizance. Thus the old adage, "If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him!"

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