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It's not fun realizing that I am is a thoughtless, selfish person. Disaster exists for so many people in the world today. They're not all in some distant place so that I don't have to look at them. The images of the ruin people have had to deal with in the recent tornadoes are not all a thousand miles away. The most recent ones like in Joplin, Missouri. I have neighbors two miles away that lost everything. I didn't do anything to help. Not even to sympathize and say "I'm sorry this happened to you."
I appear to have more empathy with man's inhumanity to man than natural disasters like tornadoes and hurricanes, although there is little I can do to prevent it from happening except to monitor my own behavior toward the other. I'm not very good at that. I too, have sinned. Yesterday, I wrote about this young man who murdered himself as a result of some drugs he took in which he thought demons and devils were after him.
The TV presenter talked to the father who could probably have done nothing to stop what happened. People are driven to that. I have been driven to that. I ain't dead yet, but I will be. It has nothing to do with any other person alive, but they can't know that. At least the people who get killed in natural disasters know for sure that they are helpless before the force of nature, and their survivors will know that too.
My sore tongue is my own fault. I paid more money than I wanted to in order to find out. It turns out that I bit a hole in my tongue. Probably while I was sleeping. The emergency room doctor prescribed some Magic Mouthwash. After I used some of it to deal with the pain I realized I could have done as much good to have bought some over-the-counter stuff that would have done as much good. I'll probably have to go to the dentist and get a tooth removed. I suspect I still have more of my own teeth than a lot of people. I sort of hate it that I'm a miser, but there are worse chief features people have to deal with.
I'm up early this morning because I went to bed early. The dope in the Magic Mouthwash made me sleepy. My bedroom was so hot I woke up almost with a heat stroke. I got up and turned the air-conditioner on. Despite that I had slept for several hours, and then I woke up again this morning due to the heat. It's supposed to be even hotter today. At least I still have a house and an air-conditioner. The people whose homes were destroyed by tornadoes probably woke up in somebody else's house or even a high school gym. Some probably feel grateful they even have that. No blame.
When I disconnected my DSL account I also had my analog phone disconnected. I don't have a home phone. I'm connected wirelessly to my brother's account next door. I stopped by their business office to use their phone there to make an appointment at the VA, but I couldn't get through to a human. They kept me on hold for nearly an hour. My sister-in-law loaned me her cell phone in order for me to take it home and make the call.
That was fine with me, because I wanted to see if her phone worked from my house. I got a free phone account because I'm poor, but it didn't work. Her phone worked just dandy. After the success I had using her phone I realize the free phone was just a lousy phone, not because I live in a "dead zone". "Free" is never actually free. When I can get my head right about it I'll get my own cell phone. I only need a phone maybe two or three times a year. I never have done "chat" well. Not even on the internet.
Yesterday I wrote about some childless women who are too old now to have babies. Maybe I was crude about it. It wouldn't be out of careactor for me if I were. I go to extremes at times. Sometime I'm overly sympathetic about other people's personal decisions, and other times I literally don't care. One of those women accused me of not understanding what she called her bipolar situation. She didn't realize I was more bipolar than she could imagine. Not to excuse my own behavior, but I figure most people are bipolar at some time in their lives if they live long enough.
I feel pretty stupid this morning. Stupid and ungrateful. It probably won't get any better. A friend forgave me for this outre stupidity and offered to help me learn to make kefir and provide me with some starter. I turned him down because I hate walking around on eggshells to keep from pissing him off. If I knew what to expect it might be easier. I ask more of people than he does. Who am I to make judgment of him?
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