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Why do I lie to myself so ungraciously? Maybe it's because I do so much wishful thinking. Like buying lottery tickets simply to dream about buying my so-called friends presents they can't afford to buy me in return. Like only loaning money to people I know good and well won't pay me back so I'll have reason to get shed of them. I hate being "nice". Since I stopped trying to tell the truth and write like there is no tomorrow I've become a pariah in my own mind.
The older I get the more I appreciate having four brothers and sisters. Granted, we are not best friends, but they are there for me in ways that people in the general public won't let themselves be. No blame. If I had any control over matters, I'd die before my siblings do so I won't have to suffer missing them. A friend wrote to tell me her only brother died on Memorial Day, and I truly just hate that for her. She's a senselessly devoted friend, and has talked about Fred since the day we met. I never met her brother in person.
She said he died of pneumonia, but at the hospital they discovered that he was "riddled with cancer" he never knew about, even after it was too late. Her post read like he was actually pretty lucky with death, but I sense that she is suffering the pangs of hell presently. I hope I'm wrong. Even she admitted that he wasn't the most wonderful person in the world to her, but she loved him like a brother. How could she not?
I got a post from the lady in Texas yesterday saying she got the card and the money I sent her, and that she will send the granules sometime today since Priority mail is handled even on weekends. This seems risky to send live cultures in hot weather like it is now, but she seems unconcerned, and since she has her own plant business in Texas, she oughta know. People who offer to share their mother cultures basically for free are prolific in regard to saving the world through kefir.
At first I thought kefir grains would be hard to get, but at least once or twice a day on the discussion lists people are offering them up for the price of postage. Presently, this seems like a very powerful dynamic. I've never experienced such generosity of spirit often.
I hope I'll become that way too. It would be somewhat of a change from my basic nature as a miser. True, while my chief feature is avarice, and I do give lots of stuff away, I burn a lot more to keep it all in the family. I never give clothes away I've worn, but sacrifice them to the fire gods. I've lied again. I give stuff away that I could sell. It makes some people disgusted with me and causes them to call me a fool and regard me with extreme disdain.
Particularly my Capricorn friends, and I have more of them than any other sign. Maybe they need to have someone they can look askance toward. They actually seem to like me though. Other than Capricorns, many of my other acquaintances are Scorpios. They seem to enjoy being around me because I'm such a wimp and it makes them feel powerful and intelligent. Maybe I pretend to be that way around them to allow them to feel that way, or not. I like Scorpio men. It's like we're brother warriors together, but I'm scared of Scorpio women. They see right through me and easily intuit all my weaknesses with disdain. It's not a Herculean effort.
Yesterday afternoon I went looking for a spring to get water for the water kefir I hope will arrive undead. Many of the experience kefir people who know about these things say that you gotta be careful about the water used to ferment the sugar you add. The water kefir granules won't propagate in distilled water or even water that's been filtered through charcoal doodads. The water has to have minerals in it or you have to add them.
Since artesian springs are common here on the coastal plains our family property has dozens of them. Not all of them run during dry weather, and we're suffering from an increasingly severe drought currently. For the second year in a row the corn the people we rent the farmland to are close to losing another crop of corn.
I drove back to where a dependable spring emerges into a drainage ditch my younger brother dug years ago that's adjacent to a 100 acre field they planted in corn. I feel sorry for them because the corn is shriveling up. If it doesn't rain soon, it's a goner. All that time and effort and fertilizer and seed corn lost to the inconstant vagaries of Mother Nature. I almost feel bad for taking their money. Almost. I didn't cause the drought. Farmers are some of the biggest gamblers of all time.
The good spring was flowing though. A large spring my father dammed up to form a small irrigation pond right next to the dependable spring has no water coming out of the overflow pipe. It's really gotta be dry for that to transpire. The fish in it are feeding, so it's not all bad.
I carried a quart jar with me to fill it with spring water that should have lots of minerals in it. I brought it back to the house to let it sit overnight to find out how much sediment it may contain. This morning there was hardly any sediment at all. I expect that eternal spring to provide me with the perfect water for my kefir. I'm getting excited.
The milk kefir granules I want are still up in the air. My friend had some to give to me, and I feel like a fool for not taking them anyway, even though at the time I didn't have a clue what to do with them. I've spend hours and hours and day after day attempting to remedy my ignorance. I'm as ready to make milk kefir as I'll ever be without the actual experience of making it. The granules are not that difficult to come by, and I'll have some soon one way or the other. It just pleases me to get some from a friendly face.
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