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While I was driving one day I thought of an interesting comment, and I stopped beside the highway to write it down. Here is what I wrote:
It's not how things have changed that my "judgment" is based on, but by what has stayed the same."
Am I basing my opinionated judgments on what is unchanging about the world as I perceive it. Do I imply that my judgments are not grounded in the changes of being? That seems silly. Everything about the sensory perceived world is based on the fact that all parts of it changes eventually. Wouldn't it be more prudent to base my decisions on the inevitability of change?
Maybe. How the hell would I know? I don't even know what I'm referencing when I write about what doesn't change. It could be me. I am changes, but that ain't me. Me doesn't change. It just is. Always. My favorite saying for what the me is, involves the Gnostic Gospel called the Gospel of Thomas.
Some of his disciples approached Jesus and ask him what they should thing about paying the taxes of Caesar and the Jewish priest class? He purportedly suggested they should "render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's, to render unto God that which is God's, and unto me that which is mine."
When the Roman Catholics translated these gospels they left out the part about "rendering unto me that which is mine." I don't particularly care about what their reasons were for the omission. Anything about the priest class will eventually be motivated by power. Sex and money for the most part. Leaving the "me" part out of that statement serves their own purposes, and not your's. No bla-me.
It's a lot easier for me to explain what I am is trying to say by the use of the term "docetic". It's not a convenient descriptor. Not many people seem to have heard of it, and the ones who have heard of it disagree with my interpretation of it's me-and-thee-ing (meaning). To me it describes a spiritual being who wants to, but can't become human. You know, like Pinocchio, who was a wooden dummy who wanted to become a real little boy. That docetic spirit is me.
The promise of evolving to the state of being human implies immortality. How could a docetic entity be-co-me something it already 'is'? It is. It is me. That's the only material object it can pretend to be, but never gets over the hump with it because of the aging process. It's sins of the flesh. Desire, lust, and all that other immoral jazz.
What is easy is simple. It's easier to figure out how to cope with desire and lust as the very elements that bind a human being to becoming itself for the sake of the docetic spirit which created it as an indirect effort to attain immortality as an identity. "I am is this, I am is that. It knows ten ways to skin a cat." As if a really clever person could be-co-me so-me other by pronouncing it to be a done deal. Magic by utterance.
My left eye seems to be clearing up a little more, but there is a problem with astigmatism. I'm seeing two images side by side. At least it's different than before the surgery was done. Before, I saw two images also, but one was over the other. Now they're side by side. Fate is at hand. I must have done something evil in some past life that I still have karma to pay to acquire my redemption.
Part of the astigmatism I'm experiencing now may have something to do with the fact that I'm using my old glasses which were prescribed to account for the astigmatism I formerly experienced in the same eye. This doesn't seem to be the time to be making up my mind that such and such is so and so.
It could be that this will straighten itself out in a matter of time. Perhaps the eyeball itself is still swollen and when it shrinks to it's normal size my eyesight will be perfect. I honestly can't guess or offer a wise perspective on how it will turn out. For a couple of days after the surgery I didn't think I'd be able to see nearly as well through my left eye as I do now, some three days later.
I have a post-op appointment on Thursday. Much may be revealed about what's going on and if there are viable re-me-die-s for the astigmatism I am is now experiencing. Presently, I'm not all that unhappy with the results I'm seeing now. A better prescription for what currently ails me in the specious present could make me ecstatic for a while... but, what if it fails?
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