I kept my second appointment with the rheumatologist at the VA Hospital in Durham yesterday. It didn't take as long this time. He doubled the amount of calcium + vitamin D he thinks I oughta be taking because of those broad spectrum vitamin D research projects that are just now producing viable results. He agreed that the problems I've had with dairy products probably came from me trying to get the calcium my bones needs from using dairy products as a source. The calcium pills I've been taking for months now get their calcium from coral and oyster shells instead.
This doctor told me he probably wouldn't be there for my next appointment. He served his apprenticeship at the VA and Duke Hospitals and is setting up for business in Fayetteville. He invited me to become his patient there. Fat chance of that on my income. I like his approach to medicine. I'd continue with him if I could afford it. I provoked him into telling me what I had guessed previously, I'm gonna be on methotrexate the rest of my life, which may not be that long because it lowers my immune system, and I could die of the common cold. Probably pneumonia like my father.
It's about time anyway. Four score and ten is enough to figure out what's going on upon the surface of this particular planet. Which addresses my real question: What if I don't die for a long time and the arthritis gets worse and worse? Talk about your twisted fate. My children will just love it. That is, until they realize they look a lot like me, from my mother's side. They don't know their genetic history, but it's not my fault or theirs either. I didn't leave them, and they didn't have a choice about leaving me. Too late now.
It was good to get outta town for a while. Durham is about a hundred miles away and Raleigh is between here and there. I left early to avoid being late for my appointment because of traffic, and coming home I didn't encounter much of the rush hour traffic. It only slowed to a crawl one time both ways which seems a little bit miraculous. We're getting hemmed in by the growing populations in both the Research Triangle and Wilmington. A lot of it has to do with the completion of InterState 40 down to the coast.
I seem to be attracting some opposition to what I write on the Gospel of Thomas e-mail group that I haven't encountered for a while. It's not unusual. Everybody else does too. It's been that way as long as I have been subscribed. People arguing their religion with other people arguing their religion. It's probably the same way on politically oriented e-mail discussion groups. I've never belonged to one of those. I don't even argue with myself about my political views. They're not really mine anyway. I didn't rebel against my parent's political views, only their religious views.
Actually, it's my mother's religious views I fought against. My father was fairly non-committal toward religion. He supported my mother's efforts to get us to go to Sunday School and church services, but many times he didn't go himself. They asked him to preach occasionally, but he wouldn't go up on the pulpit to do it. My father was a great orator. He ought to have been since that's basically what he taught in school. He thought getting young country boys to stand up in front of crowds of people and speak their piece was the best thing they could do for themselves. My brothers were very good at it. They still get asked to speak in front of the local men's groups more frequently than others.
I feel clumsy writing what I do on the Thomas group currently. I seem to have figured out my role in life mo' bettah than ever before. My remembering vision has taken on a deeper meaning to me, and made me whole. My opinion of what I'm supposed to do for the rest of my sorry life is to use this wholeness to look at my life and how the world is in a more complete way. I don't think gnosis can be taught, only revealed by forces beyond my control. The ex-Catholics appear to still think their priests and bishops can bestow gnosis. Why would they not? To each their own.
Experiencing gnosis is the only thing that matters for anybody I suspect, but it's not up to me to provide others with what's not mine to give. I've at least known that much for a long time. Being honest with the other about that really pisses people off, and it would be easy for me to pretend like I got the power to bestow gnosis, but it wouldn't be fair to myself nor profitable in a way I could enjoy.
I do not attempt to tell the God's own truth here because I don't know what the truth is or hardly ever. I try to capture the drifting thoughts that randomly appear in my imagination for reasons I may not understand. I don't know if the content I capture with these words is true or false. The Comments settings are turned off to prevent me from having to defend what amounts to little more than fanciful, sometime crude speculation. Great moments in our lives never return.
