What Does One Thing Have To Do With The Other

I'm still trying to describe gnosis as a remembering. I wrote a new description of some sort on this new discussion list that lets me write there. It seems like many of the people who post on this philosophy discussion list approach philosophy from an academic angle, and that means something different to me than it does to them, and vice versa.

I approach philosophy as a progression from poetry and they seek proofs through mathematics. I don't care if what I write is right or wrong (I don't have time to judge if I wanna stay in flow). Many of the other members seem pedantically obsessed with producing pure thought and truthiness from their own perspective. No blame. I don't know if they understand my sense of humor, but they haven't kicked me off the list yet.

I'm playing around with the idea that what a lot of people need to satisfy their urges is to get emotionally met by remembering all of themselves like what happened to me. One facet of the way this thing has matriculated is that I don't remember doing anything any differently than I regularly did as the onset of the vision.

If what i describe causes some person to remember that something similar happened to them it might really surprise me. I haven't kept what happened a secret. I've described it to lots of people lots of times. I've read about what happened to me happening to other people. A couple of times by a living writer I might could have had a conversation with.

The one person who appeared to find my remembering vision plausible committed suicide. I didn't find out about it for years. Maybe I didn't wanna know, but I forgot that I could have easily found out by Googling it up. He was a famous person. The news of his death by any means had to have been national news. He may have been dead for ten years before I found out. Unfortunately, that's not new for me at all.

I don't consider myself to be an idealist, but my father was. He preached idealism and having "high ideals". Maybe I've become my father in my dotage without realizing it, but it certainly don't feel like it to me. My mother didn't leave his side for the last ten years of his life. I'm certainly not like my father in that regard. It's looking more and more like my own prophecy will come true.

I've lived alone for the last twenty odd years, and I'll die alone like a dog in a ditch. Candidly, becoming the kind of man my father was on my deathbed is not a very realistic possibility. I've lived long enough after his death to view him more like an ordinary person instead of the way I perceived him as my father. I don't think he really asked for the troubles my birth brought him.

It was only after I read Elaine Pagels' book The Gnostic Gospels:

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/religion/story/pagels.html

and then joined an e-mail discussion group did I realize that my remembering vision was what these people were calling gnosis. I had thought of it more to do with Kundalini. This realization took thirty years to get to.

My realizing that this strange vision I had just after my first Saturn Return was gnosis started opening all sorts of doors for me. But, the most important thing I realized in recognizing what gnosis is, is that is is not something learned, but remembered. That was the keystone of my understanding something huge. Well, huge for me. Your milage may vary.

The real trick for me after realizing that I'd been made whole thirty years ago without realizing the remembering visions implications is to remember to realize I'm perceiving what's sot before me with a huge increase in insight. But, that insight can be used only for making sense out of what I "see".

I had the vision first, and then the realization of it's true value much, much later. I didn't realize that poem was prophecy until just now, but it doesn't surprise me. Many of the poems that fell in my lap after the remembering vision have been prophetic, but nobody knows. Why would they?