It seems a little strange the way things feel these days. I blame it on the Presidential Election. People seem to be looking for solutions neither candidate can resolve. At the base of it is the Iraq war. This personal vendetta by one group of capitalists to manipulate the crisis to put money in their own Swiss bank accounts at the taxpayer's expense is a done deal. Bush's legacy never mattered. Sure, he would like for it to be marvelous, but the bottom line is the money, and they've already got that in their pocket. The very people who got into office promising security are the very ones who used that fear to help themselves. I don't guess I blame them. I'm not sure I wouldn't do the same thing myself if I got the chance. The fact that I never got the chance speaks for itself. I never wanted to be much more than to be somewhat of a bum. I still don't.
I received a book in the mail yesterday. It was sent to me as a gift from the author. He visited my house with my sister-in-law's cousin a couple of weeks ago. We had an enjoyable time talking to each other and comparing the experiences we hold in common. The book is about a careactor I seem to have some things in common with also, but not really. His artistic pursuit was painting and mine is writing. He never traveled as a child. Neither of us are successful economically in our artistic pursuits. I think he tried a little harder to get recognized than me. I seem to have settled for small potatoes since I've never submitted any of my writing for publication. I publish on the internet using a series of blogs like this one. This is good enough for me. More people read this blog than the local newspaper because it's available on the internet for free. That doesn't bring up nearly the effort that getting some big company to think they can make money trying to sell it.
That's not to say that i haven't thought about it. Not some much for the recognition of my genius, but only about getting rich selling lots of books. I don't know anybody that never thinks about what they'd do if they were rich. I buy lottery tickets just to indulge that specific whim. I keep a valid lottery ticket. I don't expect to win. I know the odds. I buy lottery tickets just to daydream about what I'd do if I did win. Right this minute I'm thinking about it, because when I was watching the news last night they showed the Wednesday Powerball results, and I know i at least have the Powerball number right. What I'm thinking about right now is how many other numbers I got to go with it. If I browse to the website to check, then the suspense will be all over. I like milking suspense.
I looked up the meaning of rheumatoid arthritis yesterday and hooked up with the Wikipedia site to get some general information. The most interesting part of my quest was the definition of "rheuma". It means flowing. Like a river. In regard to arthritis, it means that the affected area moves. Yesterday the pain was in my left elbow, but this morning it moved up into the outside of my upper left arm. Last week it was in my right elbow area. It moves.
I've been using this expression for a few years now. It moves. In the past I've used it to descriptor for a docetic spirit and for how Kundalini expresses itself. It moves too. This makes me wonder if this affliction I'm experiencing now is not part of the arthritis. The nurse during my last appointment asked me if anybody in my family had experienced arthritis, and I told her it ran in my mother's family. "Yep", she said, with a Spanish accent, "it runs in families."
I won't be outside walking today. The TV weathermen don't know exactly how to describe this rain we're getting. It's coming in off the ocean like a tropical storm, but it doesn't fit the characteristics of what they know of as a tropical storm. It's supposed to rain all day, and maybe part of tomorrow. Part of the sidewalk at the strip mall is covered with metal awnings. I might go there to see if I can dart from awning to awning in between showers. The wind is blowing up to fifty miles an hour (80.5 km).
I'm not fond of high winds. To me it's just nature trying one more time in one more way to kill me. It's almost succeeded too many times. I've spent years on the road with no sure place to hide from the elements. One of the most memorable was under an overpass outside of Salem, Oregon when it rained for three solid days without a break. The overpass kept the rain off of me for the most part, but it didn't stop the wind. I know the wind will be the last thing I hear upon the event of my death.
I buy a quart of coffee liqueur a couple of times a year, and most of the time I drink it straight from the bottle until it's gone. I might mix it in some coffee on occasion, but most of the time I use it basically as a replacement for candy. It's too sweet and has too little alcohol in it to get high off of. It usually takes me two or three days to drink it for the same reason. Too much sugar at one time to get drunk on it in one sitting. I bought the bottle I'm drinking from now over in Fayettenam while I was over there for my appointment at the VA.
The medicine i'm taking now doesn't go well with booze. It's clear to me from the way it feels that I'm gonna have to cut back. My old kidneys can only take so much before they start warning me to slack off. The one of the most inconvenient indications of aging. I can't keep my bad habits up. I miss my bad habits. They have practically everything to do with me being a social animal. Without them I don't like being around people that much. I only drink too much when I'm around people I'm not attracted to.
Unfortunately, that's most of them these days. In the past, it was the urge of my libido that caused me to abide with the habits of attractive people. It didn't matter too much whether I liked their personalities or not if I wanted to have sex with them. Now that the urge for procreation is gone, I don't suffer fools kindly. In the past, I kept wondering why anybody would wanna be around me that wasn't looking to have sex with me. I assumed that most people copped the same attitude I did about sex. Apparently I was wrong about them. I never have been all that mistaken about my own attitude, in that regard, but other people seem to think there is more to life than sex. I still think they're just wrong.
I do not attempt to tell the God's own truth here because I don't know what the truth is or hardly ever. I try to capture the drifting thoughts that randomly appear in my imagination for reasons I may not understand. I don't know if the content I capture with these words is true or false. The Comments settings are turned off to prevent me from having to defend what amounts to little more than fanciful, sometime crude speculation. Great moments in our lives never return.
