This current political situation seems odd, but mostly, I think, because the Presidential election is over. It doesn't FEEL like a honeymoon. Actually, it just feels like winter. No holidays coming up. Nowheresville. The only thing I'm looking forward to is my seventieth birthday that's coming up in less than three months. It's like I'm wishing my life away.
I do have an appointment on March 7th. It's only appointment I currently have for the rest of my life. I used to have appointments all the ti-me. Going to work is an appointment. Getting off work is an appointment. Going to the dentist happens because of an appointment. Lot's of life's activities in it's span is just keeping appointments. Showing up is said to be 90% of a race.
***
A fellow correspondent appears to want to pass the hat without telling the stories. He wants to prove to the same audience that just put money in record numbers in Elmer Gantry's plate, that the stories he and Jerry and Billy and Oral told are not what they seem. He seems to want to pass the hat for raining on the modern day evangelical's parade. Fat chance.... eh? Count the cards and letters that got cash in them.
AHA!! So, that's what I've been doing. What a fool I've been. I feel a calling comin' on.
***
I was writing an e-mail response a day or so ago, and suddenly realized that what i accused the correspondent of is exactly what I've been doing. I projected what I did upon what I thought he did. How else could I have found out except by reflecting upon what I see of myself in the other?
None of what I've projected upon the evangelical preacher's presentations make them into what I claim them to be. What i project on them or anybody else is about who-I-think-I-am-is. It would seem like since I'm a self-made man, I would know what I did to create whatever I am is. Doesn't it? The dilemma is that this process of creating and projecting never stops. It's an ongoing ritual.
If I turn to the past and attempt to reconcile and atone my wretched history, then the unstoppable future runs over me like a Mack truck. If I turn away from the past to amuse myself with the quaint possibilities of the future, then my past catches up with me.
"Dang me, dang me,
they oughta take a rope,
and hang me.
Hang me from the highest treeeeeeee...
Woman, will you weeeep for me?"
~ Roger Miller
For some reason I'm contemplating the notion that my resentment toward the religious training I receive as a boy has worked against me. The way I've carried on to vent my frustration has caused people to question the sincerity of my projections in the same way I question the sincerity of the evangelicals. Maybe like karma, but I'm thinking of another metaphor. I don't understand the intricacies of the Hindu culture enough to say what I sense is what "karma" is.
I'm not for sure what Western culture calls this phenomenon. It probably has something to do with the Golden Rule. At this point I'm not in the mood to do any more nay-me-ing than necessary for survival. Negation can't be derived from being anyway. Being surpasses negation by using it as it's immediate foundation, and not to mediate a nayme for itself. If the denial and negation stops, neither being nor consciousness no long ex-is-ts. '-)
I do not attempt to tell the God's own truth here because I don't know what the truth is or hardly ever. I try to capture the drifting thoughts that randomly appear in my imagination for reasons I may not understand. I don't know if the content I capture with these words is true or false. The Comments settings are turned off to prevent me from having to defend what amounts to little more than fanciful, sometime crude speculation. Great moments in our lives never return.
