The Holy of Holies

≈
Hierarchies of structure reflect the chains of the blind.

~ Isabella Riley

There are several ways of looking at this. One of them is to use the "hierarchies of structure" until they become "the chains of the blind" by habituation, and then I have them forever, to use or not use as it pleases me. Two of the hierarchies of structure I used this morning was to practice meditation and to play the major and minor scales on my piano. It's been a while since I practiced either since I've been reflecting on the implications of the diagnosis of two kinds of arthritis and osteoporosis within the last year.

I've only taught myself to play the major and minor scales in the last couple of years, and I have been impeded to some degree in establishing a habit because my wrists and hands hurts whether I'm trying to play or not. The prescription medicine has really helped recently. I've been playing what I could, even though I haven't practiced the full set of scales lately. Today, though slowly, I'm back in the groove. YMMV

One of the attributes of meditating I accepted as true fifty years ago was, that, to whatever degree of competency I accomplished in meditating, I would start from that learned point if I stopped meditating for a while, and picked it up again. Other people don't seem to think that's possible, but to me it's because they made it that way for themselves through belief.

Granted, that may be so simply because I believed it about meditation right away, and if I hadn't believed it, and practiced it in good faith until it became a chain of blindness, I wouldn't have been able to almost immediately get to the state of being it took me forty years of meditating to get to.

I've tried to describe what I've learned through my own experience about holy spots in the human body. Some Oriental cultures call those spots chakras, but descriptions of them are all through the holy books of most other major and minor religions. It's not odd to me at all that one Einstein groupie accused me of "pulling my unscientific theories outta my ass." He is right. Why would I not? I'm a bottom up sort of guy. Taurus, Sun and Moon. "It takes two bowls..."

I read somewhere (back in the last millennium, when they had something they called books and newspapers) that some people consider the perineum the "holy of holies" in regard to location and purpose. Tain't this, tain't that (neti/neti). The perineum is located in between the rectum and the sexual organs, man and woe-to-man alike. Its a holy spot in the body because certain decisions are made FROM there (like with all holy spots), but it's the holy of holies because the decision to draw each breath is made there, and ninety odd percent of the ti-me, the decision for taking each breath is made outside of human consciousness.

Some people, including me, realizing that poignant facticity seems key to saying what can be seen there in real ti-me. For me, no matter what I've read in the various graven images, the purpose of establishing a regular practice of meditating is to reach for the state of being FROM which I can watch the decision that's made to draw each breath, just in case I might wanna input a different result, such as to stop breathing, and to keep my stopping still.

As of yet, I haven't gone too far when I've stopped breathing in order to find out how far I can go. For all I know, there may not be a limit, but perhaps a gateway. I wanna see if I can decide for myself if I can pass through that gateway of my own volition. not having a sayso can be a real drag, man. My deliberately stopping my breathing is just part of the deal though. Simultaneously, on occasion, I have also stopped my heartbeat FROM that same state of being, and my fear of going too far with that IS part of it is what cowards me out.

I aimed for that state of being in my sitting this morning. Home, sweet home. Carelessly, I had taken a couple of sips of coffee before I decide to sit down to it. Knowingly sipped it. I made the coffee myself. The caffiene may have been responsible for my sudden inspiration to sit, but it's more likely that it's my fear of death. My initial thoughts that it might interfere might have been why I never went past stopping my breathing... yet.

Having that colonoscopy performed on me next Monday is not something I am going to take lightly. I can. I know how. I got the tools. It's just that, I'm not only naturally curious, but my pedantic caution is self-imposed. Lots of things could go wrong even with the best intentions of all concerned.

I'm less worried about unsterilized scopes. I've been assured they're being extraordinarily caution about that, and I have to believe them. What I'm worried most presently is, not only what the surgeons gonna do during this squeamish deed to my po' rectum and colon while they're at it, but what they're gonna find when they do, and if there's a way to fix it without too much damage already done to go on. As a distraction, I've decided to worry about whether the walls of my rectum will withstand the pressure of the air they're gonna blow my guts up like a balloon with for a looksee.

I feel that whatever the condition my condition is in weakens the gut walls, and if they rupture during this procedure, I could bleed to death before they could stop it. I wonder if I could make a deal with them to stand back and let it happen if such were to be so. Hmm... is there a way I could turn my blood lime green so they'd be so startled into such confusion by the sight of such a thing they'd run for their lives? Naaa.. I already think they figure I'm a spy for the Feds, even if it doesn't make sense at all. They'd keep me alive to save their own ass. No blame.

Sometime I make myself too interesting to people I should have figured for being a nemesis. How can they not know with deep certainty that whatever they've made me into for their own sake, is too good to be true? Hey! I'm watching you, but I'm also watching out FOR you. Well, when I go to the FOR place. You better git it on you own while you can still know it's me that's doing that when you get excited. I never wanna return when I move to that state of being where I can do for-myself-for-the-other. I don't care how purty you are. '-)