The nurse/physicians over at the VA went over my records with me to see if there would be problems with me undergoing the colonoscopy I am rescheduled for on the 29th. I got home last night after a very long period of puking, diarrhea, and unsatisfying sleep. I got on the computer and looked my e-mail and answered a couple, then I went to CNN news to see what had happened while I was off-line. One of the first headlines I saw was this one:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/06/16/veterans.colonoscopies/index.html?eref=rss_topstories
this is some seriously scary shit,. Literally. If you read the article it lists all kinds of sorrowful diseases that can be gotten from contaminated equipment that's not cleaned properly.
Immediately, I began to see myself as the victim of a group of bureaucrats led by some sort of Josef Mengele:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Josef_Mengele
The nurse/physician didn't know I was in there until I got mad about her talking "baby talk" to me. She informed me in no uncertain terms that we were taking too long for her interview. She patronized me with this whiny "listen to me Dear..." as if to inform me I was outta my place with her or to inform me she had the power of life and death over me. She had worked at the VA Hospital for twenty-one years. When I upbraided her for copping a condescending attitude, she apologized and brightened considerable. Whether it was because I'd raised the ante for her enjoyment of sending me to the death chambers or not I couldn't tell.
The other nurse/physician was a man who claimed to be raised in my hometown. By admission he took twice as long to interview me as he normally would. I told him of how I had mistakenly thought I was scheduled to get the colonoscopy on this same visit, and he went off into explaining to me how they had to go through 20 different procedures before they performed the colonoscopy itself. I was a little confused why he was telling me that. Now, I realize he had already seen the headlines in CNN.
I'm satisfied today he thought I might be an undercover agent checking up on what they're doing to straighten this scandal out. I know perfectly well what sort of impression I can make on people if I want to. I went to school for it. True, I'm type-cast to playing heavies, but I got some range even though limited to that. He sort of, he kind of, he played around with questioning my religion. He asked me all sorts of questions that didn't seem aligned too well with checking out the condition of my colon.
I wonder where the decision he makes about which of these horrible diseases to kill me off with will take him. I certainly accept that "dead men tell no tales", but I'm innocent I tell ya'. I'm not there to threaten his 29 year government career and retirement program with some ill-wind or expose.
On the other hand, the best solution might be if they could just put me over the hump with anesthesia and my part of it would be over. That's good for me. Just never wake up. Having two incurable diseases that cripple you horribly first is not something to look forward to... unless I could learn how to get off sexually on pain. I'd lose my less than pristine reputation one way or the other. What a drag, man.
i got no other reason for being cocky than wit and grit. I know too many educated people who have depended on the appearance of it in their personality to get them through dire straits. I met them on the road where I was a itinerant bum who was there by choice, and they were not. Same as the insane asylum. If education don't help you it can kill you. Some people are supposed to find their own way by doing. They're better at educating themselves than others are.
Sometime I pretend I was told by my invisible friend when I was a kid to "go ye therefore". That's where I got the wit and grit. I got it merely by surviving. I think the game just got tougher since I was 65. The last five years have been disillusioning, but very informative. Namely that the Earth is a colder, more unfeeling place then I could have ever imagined or I would have. I didn't know it was colder than I thought for a good enough reason. To have a reason to live. Being constantly stunned by my own stupidity has probably added ten years to my life.
I do not attempt to tell the God's own truth here because I don't know what the truth is or hardly ever. I try to capture the drifting thoughts that randomly appear in my imagination for reasons I may not understand. I don't know if the content I capture with these words is true or false. The Comments settings are turned off to prevent me from having to defend what amounts to little more than fanciful, sometime crude speculation. Great moments in our lives never return.
