Spending Another Day At The VA Hospital

I started writing this by replying to an e-mail about A Course In Miracles in the Gospel of Thomas e-mail discussion group after I got home from keeping appointments at the VA Hospital. I stopped by Rainey's house on my way home. By the time I got here it was almost darktime:

http://www.acim.org/

Here's a link to the article in Wikipedia. Sometimes Wikipedia offers a general, overall view of a topic that gives me the short version that's more useful:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Course_in_Miracles

I've never studied the ACIM. It doesn't make sense to me to replace one Christian dogma with another. That's for people who have not experienced gnosis, or don't remember having experienced it. A person needs something to say when it's their turn to talk, and the ACIM is as good, and probably better than most views of Christianity if you're disenchanted with the Christian culture you were raised in.

Experiencing gnosis is critical, but experiencing it was/is just the beginning. The "beginning" or bejinning for me was the unexpected occurrence of a vision I couldn't have prayed for. I couldn't have imagined what did happen could have happened. That's why I couldn't have preyed for it either. So, what am I saying?

I am saying that I consciously experienced a vision so profound it took me thirty years to figure out how that vision could have turned out to be what is historically been called gnosis. When that vision happened to me, I was afraid to tell anybody about it, but I somehow knew that if I didn't testify about what happened, then I would forget it happened. I did not want that to happen, and so I told a few people about it. I was right. Nobody believed me. They thought I was crazy and didn't hesitate to tell me as much, unfortunately, in a very public way sometime. 

It was fortunate in the long run. I had the vision when I was 30 years old just after my first Saturn Return. By that time I had already been called crazy so many times I agreed to volunteer to commit myself to the State Hospital a year or so before I saw the vision. Calling me crazy after that was useless as a tool for refuting my sanity. 

I worked at being able to explain what happened for a long, long time. I began to study the occult. First by following this guy I met in Boulder to learn the Tarot spreads, then astrology and palmistry. I needed something to say when it was my turn to talk that would help me understand this vision, but I didn't even know that it was the vision that I needed to understand. I thought it was more important to understand jumping off cliffs and leaving my body standing beside the road hitch-hiking while I explored outer space. 

Eventually I ran across Pagels' book about the gnostics. Reading her book was what started me thinking about how that vision of singularity was what she was writing about. That was previous to the existence of personal computers and later the internet and this discussion group. I  subbed to the group when I connected reading Pagels' book to the Gospel of Thomas. 

When I read about a discussion list about the Gospel of Thomas, it was the scholars group that I read about, but by the end of the paragraph that was a mention of the non-scholar's group. I clicked on the link that got me here and never felt the slightest interest in the scholar's group, and still don't. 

One thing led to another, and I begin to take Klaus' argument for doceticism serious. I began researching doceticism and realized doceticism has it's roots in the same experiences as Kundalini. You see, experiencing Kundalini was what caused me to check myself into the insane asylum, not gnosis. My vision that brought gnosis to me happened five years after I experienced Kundalini, and I"m fairly convinced they're connected and part and parcel of the same experience.