She writes, "You think everything is in your head. What use is remembrance."
No. i create everything I ideate extemporaneously from the miasmic stuff of dreams in full awareness it won't be able to maintain it's integrity as originally designed without the conscious implementation of some exhausting, dogmatic maintenance program I wouldn't dream of conjuring the patience for. Why, I beg of you, would I DO that?
I just woke up at three in the morning, and after I stumbled to the bathroom and back to bed, found that I wasn't sleepy. The temperature seems to be at that point that pulling a sheet over me is a little too warm, and pushing it off of me is too cool.
My fussiness seemed ridiculous suddenly, because I began to think about what my predicament might be like if I were a four-legged animal (like a deer) without a house to protect me from the weather or from those other animals who might perceive me as a predator toward them or a meal for them. For one thing, at least, I wouldn't be getting up in the middle of a dank, late summer's night, and booting up my computer just to have something to occupy my time until God arrives with the dawn as it's greatest glory.
There have been many mornings, in the past, when I might wake up about this time of the morning lying in the moist air alone in the dark, and if anything was alive and around me moving, it was probably not a good sign. Because I'm inside my house, it doesn't really make much difference. The only animal in this part of the country that could actually break down my door to come inside and kill and eat me would be a bear. Well, it COULD happen... or another human being... and that ain't most likely gonna happen because I'm ready for the bear.
The top of the inside of my mouth got burned by something I ate that irritated my gums right behind my front teeth. I was thinking back to when I might have eaten some hot food that might have caused this small discomfort, and realized the sore spot was probably caused not by physical heat, but by the acid in some ginger snaps I've been snacking on for a couple of days. I love a hot cup of dark-roasted coffee to soak ginger snaps in. Ginger is a strange root herb that has an odd affect on me. I get a box or sack of them and a pot of coffee to drink with them, and I'm in hog heaven. Of course, it does irritate the lining of my mouth.
I don't think any other animal besides homo sapiens have refrigerators and automatic washing machines, much less clothes they can put on and take off at four o'clock in the morning in just the right amount to adjust to the temperature and the humidity.
I'm having a little trouble keeping something that has happened to Ben. I haven't seen him for a long time, and I pretty much know why. His only son married a crackhead, she or both of them went on a binge and lost everything. They moved back into his parent's house. I don't know the son very well, and his wife not at all.
Their fall from grace was not unexpected. Ben asked me to do a natal chart on his wife and children. I told him what would happen, but shouldn't have. Nobody wants to or ever does much believe bad things happen to bad people. I don't like to admit that someone who I let near me in friendship would turn out to be an out and out no-good-nik that was gonna ruin an upstanding family I knew growing up.
Ben is a no-good-nik. That's an odd term to be calling a good ol' boy from Kentucky. I should have admitted this to myself a long-time ago. Especially when he tried to get me put in prison in Mexico. But, no, I still respond to the forgive and forget policy I was conned into by my caregivers when I was growing up.
He married the youngest daughter of one of my father's good friends. I'm beginning to think this guy was a crook that even my father should have been careful about, but maybe even my father was not the kind of man I've made him into in my mind. It's for damn sure that I'm not the kind of man I think I am is.
I took it to mean that Ben was probably a good person at heart because he married into what was, according to my father and the people of the same Baptist church we all went to, a "good family". Well, they were reputable enow in the community, but as a woman I thought was hot once said, "You only get to know how people really are when you do business with them." So, I paid her, and went on about my business. LOL She was right. I never saw her again. I should pay more people to be my friends and lovers. Oh, that's ... hmm...
I've messed around with a bunch of no-good-niks over my long life-time. So have they. Maybe my real education about life has been to not dig too deep into people's lives, because I might find myself. No, no, we wouldn't want that. So, why do I keep digging? Well, for starters, plain and simple, a man's gotta do something. Maybe it's like what was described about the great white shark on a nature show the other night, but also about all sharks. They have no natural buoyancy. If they stop swimming they sink to the bottom. It seems like sharks are natural bottom feeders. They don't have far to go to rest after they eat you up.
Gravity-wise, I reckon angels and sky gods have the least to worry about when it comes to getting et up by bottom feeders. That even makes me wonder about why it's called "eat up" sometimes rather than "chow down"? Maybe that's why the big cats have fangs to grab their victims around the throat to choke them to death before they chow down while the meat is still warm. I have a hard time imagining it's for compassionate reasons, but who knows?
i built this wino's hootch by myself without any blueprints because I'm real good at imitating other people do things. I even imitate animals and bugs and birds and plants (when I grow where I'm planted, and let go to fall where I lay when it's all over but the final, involuntary fart. Like a tire going flat. Psssssss..... t.
There is more to me than you can see, and vice versa, and that's why that specific "more" is a kind of less that makes it not that worthwhile to explore as a subjective goal that you expect to improve your handicap for the ga-me of living. The more or less keen manner homo sapiens are able to imagine the way things were once, and then be able to manipulate that pretend past into what it could be yet is inimitably individual, and impossible to think possible initially.
Just now I'm recovering from a little shock I had about music and how the circle of fifths can be associated for memory purposes with the zodiac. I copied the written notes from a youtube video on how to play 48 different chords using two notes together all played using the same half-step pattern into this empty scale notebook I bought. Here is the web site:
http://www.youtube.com/user/sesameseed77
The first part of the video uses the graphic of a keyboard with the keys that are used shown clearly as the sound is played. I tried to play along with the video, but kept getting confused. My piano keyboard is at right angle to my computer keyboard and monitor, so I had to look to 90° to my left to see which keys were being used to demo the sequences of four two-note chords in one key, before it changed keys and played another four chord sequence. Too much information at too awkward an angle.
That's why I copied the next part of the video that revealed the written notes on a staff with a key signature. I knew I'd have to do that eventually in order to not only remember the physical location of the notes on the keyboard, but to figure out the rest of the chord in question above and beyond the two notes used.
I had to recopy the whole sequence again because the way I did it the first time was too hard to see what came next. So, I reorganized the way I wrote it down to be able to make sure I had the right notes as I me-more-ize them. When I make things a part of my me-more-s I have to be very careful to get it right the first time, because changing it later is sometimes so difficult I virtually give up on a whole project rather than take the time to correct myself.
In my effort to relate this exercise to the Circle of Fifths to see if it has a recognizable pattern. I first saw/intuited that the final chord of the four chord series was labeled differently than the other three two-note chords. It was correct sequentially in that it moved up a half-note physically on the keyboard to continue the pattern started in the root key, but symbolically it changes the naming sequence to the Major 7th of the previous key if it's written in sharps, and enharmonically to the Major 7th if it's written using flats. I'll be astonished if I've written this in words correctly.
The deal here is that I've got to memorize the Circle of Fifths to be able to cross-reference the me-and-thee-ing of the notes of the piano. This has everything to do with visualization. I can "see" my natal chart in all it's details in my mind, and I can manipulate what I "see" there deliberately. Now if I can just "hear" what I "see" like I do in astrology, it might make my life more interesting. "Make" is a keyword I'm presently studying in AppleScript.
"I love it when a plan comes together."
~ George Peppard
I do not attempt to tell the God's own truth here because I don't know what the truth is or hardly ever. I try to capture the drifting thoughts that randomly appear in my imagination for reasons I may not understand. I don't know if the content I capture with these words is true or false. The Comments settings are turned off to prevent me from having to defend what amounts to little more than fanciful, sometime crude speculation. Great moments in our lives never return.
