"... Perchance To Dream."

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The idea of setting up a practice of attempting to control my dreamtime as if it were like a computer may not be as difficult to establish a practice for after all, but I'm not sure it will do any good. Something I found out last night was something I should have known. Opening a hole in the roof and flying away from my nightmares leaves me allone. That's nowheresville, man.

What I experienced last night attempting to initiate lucidity was very detached from the world of the senses. I found myself just a bit short of abstracting the abstract. In one of my other pursuits my intention has been to make myself intelligent about intelligence. I guess trying to employ a computer-like interface with my dreamtime (or The dreamtime) appears to be a bit like abstracting the abstract.

The only source I can reach for to associate my attempt to gain conscious control over going lucid in my own dreamtime provides me with what I experienced while smoking diviner's sage. My consciousness shrank to that of a newborn ensconced in a dim gray light that impressed me that it was like lamb's wool and swaddling clothes.

It was like that in a way, but last night I was very aware of having a physical body. I was consciously aware that it was from that body that I am is emerged and nobody but me knew it. The effect of smoking the diviner's sage was that I didn't know I had a body attached to the newborn consciousness I experienced nor a persona to go with it. In both cases, what consciousness there was, I was all by myself in that state without any other sort of communicant available to me for the sake of diversion.

By that I mean to say that there was nothing else to focus on beyond my immediate me. I-am-is was not "there" for me. Like I am was enveloped in the gray light that had ragged edges. Every crack or partition in it was a portal to somewhere, but the grayness didn't provide the incentive or curiosity to explore outside this particular box. In other words, I am is wasn't a part of me out there.

My lack of incentive or ambition in that state of being is like an old hat to me. It fits very comfortably even if some of the stitching around the brim is threadbare. Nobody knows. Probably not even myself from the perspective of the beta state of consciousness where words live.

It's definitely not the delta dream cycle state. In my experience, a predominance of delta brain waves does produce an effervescence I can use as a springboard to high times. I had an experience with a golden blob around the age of fourteen years old that literally became the platinum standard for what pure ecstasy is like.

What I'm trying to say about my dreamtime efforts last night is nebulous even unto me. Whatever I experienced, for better or worse is that I'm fairly sure that the dreamtime is not the portal that leads to what happened when I was a kid. I was very awake when that happened. I've sought to experience it again since then, but there has been hell to pay for my doing that. I can't really explain it, but I keep trying to find it again because it's all I can do.

I'll probably continue to find out what I can by taking this approach to the dreamtime. I find myself in the dreamtime while consciously aware frequently enow, but sometimes finding myself there all of a sudden can startle me so much I lose what I had of it. Granted, it's not as disappointing as having a sexual encounter in the dreamtime interrupted at the last second, but close.

Even if I am is able to acquire some insight about how to enter the dreamtime with a purposeful end in mind there is no guarantee it can be of any practical use beyond mere entertainment. That don't disturb me none. I'll take entertainment anywhere I can get it.

The choice I seem to have made in regard to finding a path that has heart for me seems fallible for just about everyone. I could be wrong. I suspect I based some strong decisions on my ability to amuse myself without having to pay some professional to do it for me.

It might be true that if a person can entertain their own person they don't actually need a lotta money to live a rewarding life. What if laughter really is the best medicine, and either you provide it for yo'self or be forced to look elsewhere at your own expense or die in agony?

If I could find a righteous portal in the dreamtime and the only way I can learn to use it is to dedicate my efforts at night to reach for it catch-as-catch-can despite being constantly brushed aside by the powers-that-be, I owe it to myself to keep on keeping on.

It not like I have to get to sleep at a certain time so I can get up early and go to work. I don't go to work except to keep physically fit. I don't really like to work with such selfish motives, but if I don't keep as physically fit as I need to be in order "to sleep, perchance to dream", the whole deal is a bust anyway. '-)

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