As Of Today, I Am Is Un-Twittered

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I composed a response to one of my three daughters today and closed it with a quote from the Gospel of Thomas. I have no idea how she'll receive that, and I may never know, she might be as close-mouthed as her mother was with me. I doubt it. She wrote me a very powerful account of what she experienced having her first child. This woman is not her mother or me, but her own person. I couldn't be more pleased. She's a lot like her older half-sister in that way. One to go.

I was just running a scenario in my mind's eye of how I might rationalize using a quote from a source some Christians seem offended by, mostly Catholics it appears because they really are the villains once again. Any organization like them are just as villainous by their very nature. Many of them came into existence as a response to the old system turning stagnant. Like the French Revolution. Royalty had become so entrenched the only way to re-establish some power to the common man was to chop the head off the snake.

Catholicism seems uniquely designed to grow a new head each time the old one dies or gets chopped off. That doesn't seem much difference than kingdoms and most dictatorships. I write about Catholicism because if you wanna explore the roots of Christianity you sorta gotta go there.

Contrarily, I just skipped over Catholicism and went straight for the roots. The book-burning Catholics didn't make it easy. For all practical purposes, they eliminated the competition, and for all intents and purposes Gnosticism was competition, but in a very small way. Not many people have gnosis imbued by revelation, and many of those forget it happened to them. To the ones who remember, however, it can get to be an obsession like any other unusual conviction.

In the dream sequence I was running in my mind about the concept of a messiah and where it might originate only one thing becomes fairly clear. The organized expression of mankind's primitive need for a world savior had roots deep in pre-history. What happened in what eventually became the United States of America is unknown except for relics and the only thing known about the relics are what's left of the aborigine's oral tradition.

It was the written language that captured America. Same as what happened to the Celts and the Druids. The adults held out against the Papists and their Latin Vulgate pretty good, but their children saw the usefulness of learning Latin or any other written language they were originally exposed to. Why would they not?

For all practical purposes it's the same with the immigrants to America. The first ones here might never learn English well enough to argue politics, but usually their children and especially their grandchildren learned to do it standing on their heads.

Although I lost a lot when I upgraded my Mac operating system to Snow Leopard by not having a 64-bit chip to take full advantage, I still got some interesting changes, and the text editor I've been using since I switched back to Macs had an amazing change. Amazing might be too strong a descriptor, but my age is showing. I actually didn't realize it was possible to do what they've done with TextEdit.

It's the spellchecker that's fascinating as I write. It doesn't highlight my typos and underline them in red as much. Instead it corrects them before I finish typing the word, and if I hesitate long enough, it finishes the damn word for me. For me? It's doing that for me? It's a freaking computer. I'm the one that jumps to the conclusion that this machine is doing me a personal favor. But, it kinda feels like it.

I've alway been a romantic. Which is code for saying that I get emotionally attached to my familiars. How else could I earn their trust? I can never trade cars. I have to buy a new used one and "give" the old used one away. That doesn't work well with ex-wives.

I watched a documentary about some lab monkeys that got deserted on an island just off Puerto Rico. The money for the research they were being used for, so they just opened the cages and left. No humans live on the island anymore. The monkeys naturally went native.

They were matriarchal. Their leaders were females and only females and the elite female's male children were allowed in the inner circle. The males lived in the fringes according to their male pecking order. The higher a specific male's ranking, the closer they were allowed near the inner circle of females and thus sexual favors.

There was a cameo of what happens to the old males who are too feeble to compete for procreational and recreational pleasures. Not much really, unless the old male had been a favorite of the alpha female, which meant that at some previous time he had been the alpha male, but even then, their real fate is that they wonder off to be alone and die.

Maybe I'm writing about this to elicit sympathy for getting old and undesirable sexually, but I think it's more about what I learned or confirmed for myself in regard to how the females of a matriarchy relate to the outer fringe of competing males. It seems like a lot of species are oriented this way, and I think homo sapiens are no different.

It's my sense of my self that I've sorta always known this basic reality, and generally, acted like it was so. Probably because so many of the planets in my natal astrology chart are in female signs like Taurus and Scorpio and Cancer and Pisces. What I've learned to recognize is the paradox about women and that looks are deceiving. I learned that by being there when my ex-wife got pregnant and used the LaMaze method to give birth to two babies.

I watched how the babies changed her physically, and her complete mental attitude toward me. Why would it not? How I thought and felt wasn't important to her anymore, and there was nothing either of us could do about it or perhaps, nothing either of us wanted to do anything about it. I may never know for sure. My role as a provider was all that mattered. As it should be. Unfortunately, for good or ill, that didn't set right with me.

I knew it had everything to do with matriarchy, and that no matter how I reacted to the cultural facticity of the situation I was on my way back into the fringes. I was too disgusted with myself to ever wanna compete again. I never recuperated from the humility I caused and received. I definitely wasn't the alpha female's favorite, and the alpha female herself wasn't even my wife.

It seems especially significant now that I remind you again of my disclaimer as a truth-teller. I don't know the truth. How could I possibly? I capture drifting thoughts with words or try to. Like imagining what the roots of man's need for a world savior might be like. I know what my gnosis shows me in that same imaginator. If what I capture appears or seems true to the reader, then they gotta look inside themselves for the truth they read into me.
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