Nebula homo sapiens

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I've begun to believe that the gold the alchemist seeks to create from lead evolves eventually to make a human from a carcass:

29 Jesus said, "If the flesh came into being because of spirit, that is a marvel, but if spirit came into being because of the body, that is a marvel of marvels. Yet I marvel at how this great wealth has come to dwell in this poverty."

http://users.misericordia.edu//davies/thomas/Trans.htm

This seems to be one of the more mystical sayings found in the Gnostic Library in Egypt in 1945. I've studied the so-called mysteries since childhood almost exclusive to any other subjects. Practically everything I've studied on my own has been associated with understanding these mysteries, and this saying gets down to the nub of the paradox the mysteries introduce into the individual's desire for stability, and splits it wide-open.

I took a break from writing and cleaned up my bathroom a bit. I also installed the first lighting I've ever had in there, and moved the old chest of drawers from my mother's house to a more useful location in the room. It has a big round mirror in it, and when I cleaned it with my brilliant invention I saw myself in it for the first time in maybe twenty years. I get kinda slack some ti-me. That's how it is with triple fixed signs for Sun, Moon, and Ascendent.

There was a small snake under some of the trash that had accumulated on the floor. I scooped it up and tossed it outside. It will probably find it's way back inside for the cold weather that's always just a few months away. I killed the mother of these snakes, but they keep coming back to where they were born in the water tank of my commode. I prefer to think they find a way into my house because we're kindred spirits.

I found stuff I forgot I had, that I bought replacements for because I forgot I already had the original stuff. I didn't find any money. I've never had enough money to stash any away in some secret hiding place I forgot about. I ran across a big brown paper grocery bag that my sisters put some of my stuff they found at my mothers house. All the letters I wrote to her in my first hitch in the Navy.

Inside that bag was some pictures of my children and ex-wives, and the 14 carat wedding ring from my first marriage. It was with the stuff that was mostly from my second marriage. Initially, I thought it was the ring from that marriage, and then I remembered that I didn't want to spend money on a ring because I got blisters and sores from wearing this one. I still can't wear jewelry without my skin reacting adversely. I swear I was put here to be poor.

I still have my high school ring that I couldn't wear for the same reason, and pinkie ring an ex-girlfriend gave me. I could wear the pinkie ring longer without allergies because the band was narrow and it appeared to let the skin under it air out better. It was her father's ring. I've been intending to give it back to her for that reason, but I've been as slack about that as everything else.

My skin is real crazy now and it's all about the aging process. It bruises extremely easy, and takes forever to look normal again. The last series of bruises was on my left forearm that I used to lift up overhanging branches. There were several spots where thorns from various bushes stuck in my skin rather than just scratching it.

My skin didn't just form a scab and heal up. The chemicals on the thorns that make them hurt when you stick yourself with them literally killed the skin around the puncture point, and a hole appeared that has taken forever to heal. My brothers and I used to talk about how some old men used to wear heavy, tan, long-sleeved military shirts to work in even in the summer when it gets 95% humidity and 95°.

If we asked them why they did it, they said the heavy insulated them and kept them cool. I now think it was to protect their thin skin. If homo sapiens evolved from a water creature instead of from gorillas and apes like one crazy old woman claims:

http://www.ted.com/talks/elaine_morgan_says_we_evolved_from_aquatic_apes.html

Her ideas are based on subcutaneous fat layers like walruses and seals and polar bears have. Even if she's right, then getting old loses the subcutaneous fat that protects from beneath the outer layers of skin. On the other hand, the prescription drug methotrexate that I'm taking for rheumatoid arthritis was developed for people with skin cancer, and some weird skin growths I've had all my life appear to be disappearing. Maybe my subcutaneous fat will leave my belly and return to it's home beneath my skin.
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