I wanna see what I'll write about using the database installed like software during my remembering vision. I'm using this software installation metaphor, but the experience I had may have just opened something that was already there (wherever that is). I may not have just started using it upon it's "arrival" in consciousness during my remembering vision either, but earlier, as I would, without reflection.
It's difficult to say that this "database" I reference exists as a thing-in-itself. It may not have it's own ground of being or man-made parameters like having it's own separate reality. It may not be a "thing" at all, much less possess being as an object. I have described it before as a field of crystals in which the spacing between the individual crystals was so impeccable I got lost in it's symmetry and beauty. It overwhelmed me, and I exited my conscious awareness of that crystal field as if I was being rescued. It was ungrokkable. I couldn't contain it in my mind's eye. It swallowed me up as if I was one of millions of squid being scooped up by a whale There wasn't much individuality or persona left when it seemed like I was being rescued. It was like the upper part of me was "in" the crystal field, and the lower part of me was dangling down into nothingness, and something in that nothingness grabbed me and yanked my consciousness outta the field of crystals.
It wasn't literally like something was swallowing me because I was the only active player. "IT" (the field of crystals) was limitless, and I (the seer, the visitor) was limited in my ability to take it all in, and I'm used to going too far. I don't know how to describe how it was inactive. It wasn't "doing" anything at all to cause me to experience this sensation I'm reaching for here.
I was suddenly consciously aware of this field of crystals. I don't remember the circumstances. I wasn't on drugs as usual. Most of the stuff associated with using the sacraments happens when I'm not under their spell. The entire time I experienced consciously aware of the presence of the field of crystals and their immaculate order was the blink of an eye. It's like I wasn't supposed to be there, and I got yanked out because I was into something that wasn't any of my business.
That's not how I'm considering what happened for the sake of this one writing jag. I'm thinking I was rescued because it was just too much for me to fathom. I reached out with something to claim this experience as my own, but I couldn't reach the end of it to grab a hold of the other side of it. I was stretched out too far trying to encompass it, and I hadn't even got started good. Eternity is just toooooo big to make a claim on it as a mere human. If I hadn't been rescued by something I seem sure I would have lost my humanity. I would never have returned from lala land.
Yet, in my opinion, this crystal field itself was the location of the database that was installed during my remembering vision. I just can't go there consciously without risking my sanity or what's left of it. This is what I mean when I say that I don't have to know where I'm at to be there.
"There", in this case , IS where I can be, but only if I don't consciously know it. Now, what the hell does that mean. I know what it means. Explaining myself is a horse of a different color. It's what I practiced doing when I read palms. It just got to the place where I didn't need to hold hands with people to do it any more.
I do not attempt to tell the God's own truth here because I don't know what the truth is or hardly ever. I try to capture the drifting thoughts that randomly appear in my imagination for reasons I may not understand. I don't know if the content I capture with these words is true or false. The Comments settings are turned off to prevent me from having to defend what amounts to little more than fanciful, sometime crude speculation. Great moments in our lives never return.
