Descending From Aquatic Apes

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The health problem I am is experiencing appears due, according to the info on the internet I've lightly skimmed over, is that my immune system has turned on me, and while simultaneously protecting me from being infected, is also attacking me. My immune system is too strong for my own good.

All the medicine I'm taking is designed to lower my immune system. Why am I always the last to know? Maybe, because I either don't know how to listen to my inner guidance in this regard, or I am is ignoring it. I gotta stop this ignorant shit on my part, and keep my stopping still.

I read part of another article today about calcium and vitamin D tablets. This time they're supposed to prevent most cancers. The way this research is coming down, many of the problems of mankind seem due to a lack of non-dairy calcium and sunshine. Is this to sell over-the-counter skin protection for a huge profit? Skin cancer for the doctors to make non-risk money on?

The skin is an organ just as much as the heart and intestines are organs or the liver and kidneys are organs. I wonder how much this lack of calcium and vitamin D has to do with losing the subcutaneous fat layer under the skin as I get older? Does this have anything to do with my skin not being able to make vitamin D from direct exposure to sunlight?

Does it have anything to do with homo sapiens evolving from the ocean where subcutaneous fat is the law of living in and around water?

http://www.ted.com/talks/elaine_morgan_says_we_evolved_from_aquatic_apes.html

I've watched this video several times. I don't believe it or not believe it, it's just very interesting to me. It's interesting because my remembering vision should show me whether I evolved from aquatic apes. I'm suspicious that's why I find this theory so fascinating.

I've claimed and still claim I had the remembering vision I've written about for forty years. The information I get from attuning my inquiries toward my me-more-s of what was revealed to me about myself in that vision is only available to me in real ti-me (the tie-to-me), and is hardly ever there for me for the asking.

It's there for me when it's needed, and that need appears to conjure from my extended experiential database as the situation demands it. How can one give meaning to some event that's only a flash in the pan of the specious present?

Whether I evolved as an aquatic-based ape or from chimpanzees could be directly revealed from what happened during that vision. How to re-experience that specific part of what has happened since who-I-think-I-am-is arrived on Earth as a seed pearl that carries a pouch with curiosity, volition, and memory as the tools with which all nay-me-d object are enchanted into being.

I have more trouble with imitating people than I should have. I don't really have to do it. I almost never imitate famous people who a lotta people might recognize in my performance, and toss money and room keys at my feet... dammit! No, the troubles I bring on myself is when I imitate the person who is face-to-face with that which is me, and I-am-is the only One it gnows. I be-co they -me.

Doing that is great fun if you have a little me-and streak in you. Having a Scorpio Ascendent is tantamount to a ticket-to-ride. Be-co-ing with the other's me requires One devalue it's own worth in order to let go of theyself to go over there. You can't be doing no co-me-ing if you don't become selfless first. Can you dig it?

People who place great value on the very idea of themselves such that they can't walk away from their image of themselves, and trust it to fend for itself in their absence, ain't gwine be "doing" no be-co-me-ing. Self-deprecation is more challenging than many find comfortable.

Maybe like with hero wine (heroin) the habit of leaving oneself behind to be with the other's me is empowering beyond the belief system that's been holding them back. It gets easier when it happens outta the blue enough times. Spontaneous out-of-body events begin to become commonplace, and sometimes that's enough to test one's tie-to-me by opting for more and more incredible odds.

Trusting that the tie-to-me will not break and leave one stranded with no way ho-me seems to require leaving one's body unattended enough times for the eventual familiarity of finding oneself "out there" breeds contempt for the trumped up fears that keeps each eternally wandering seed pearl close to the false home promised by it's own graven images.

The more I contemplate my life and abstractly associate what I think has happened to the oracle of my natal chart, the more my dreaming leads me to the me-and-ing of the placement of the planet Mercury in six degrees Aries. I don't have much choice but to "boldly go where no man has gone before", and finding myself out-on-a-limb has been the status quo that has at ti-me-s left me sick to me heart.

Weep and moan,
and weep and moan,
and cry loudly in self pity.
To live this life in such a way
is just a little shitty.
It clings like putty
to the soul,
and pules for understanding,
but no one hears
with glued-up ears
the pleas of silent ranting.

There is nothing I'd like more than to pretend I am not responsible for making the decisions that brought me (and a goodly number of significant others) more pain than had to be borne. Who am I? What right do I have to pretend I didn't know what I was doing until it was all over but the shouting.

I'm not innocent, but candidly, thirty years later, I'm not too eager to feel all that guilty either. I've had a life to live without them in the here and now. I still have plenty of time to remember that they left me here to die alone. Not the other way around. Why not romanticize and cling to the saying "If you love them, let them go." It's debilitating to sever the ties-that-bind in favor of the tie-to-me, but Mercury in Aries exacts a brave heart whether the native likes it or not.
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