The Sins Of The Father

☯
Another nothingness day. I've barely moved. The only time I've even been outside was to climb up and down my outside stairs to get some aerobic exercise and get the blood moving in all parts of my body. Probably more to do deep breathing to prepare for practicing meditation. I've been erratic about that and all my other long-term habits recently.

My meditation practice is so old with me. I don't even know how to talk about it so much. All I can really say is that I do it for-myself, but doing it also seems to be good for-the-other because it makes me calmer and more patient with them and myself.

I almost hate what I've done. I fully intended to do something that would b e indicative of who-I-think-I-am-is so that I could act in conformity with my true nature. For a long ti-me I didn't understand what my personal quest was about.

Enjoining my quest was never a choice for me. Eventually, however, when the tie-to-me (ti-me, time) was threatened with such overwhelming, persistent constancy, and I knew there was nothing I could do that would cause these threats and temptations to abate.

I had to give in to the notion that I could only defend myself against my encounter with what God is to me by giving myself up to being that opposed me at the sa-me ti-me I-am-is accepted it as the other side of me. The lost sheep the other ninety-nine was left unguarded for. I-am-is a story, and the ex-toll-er (ogre) who once exacted payment to cross the bridge, is-me. I-am-is-that-which-is-wholy-me.

The term "individuation" has been a part of my vocabulary for a long time. I know it means the same thing as the concept of enlightenment from reading about it over the years. The term "enlightenment" for me, though, seems associated with some impossible dream that can only rarely be accomplished. I don't think I ever bought into that notion completely, and not at all now.

If individuals were in outright control of discovering this for themselves they would mess it up. Yet, because they have such a deep powerful desire for be-co-me-ing without knowing how to make it happen, then they flounder and flop around as it that's gonna get them back to the garden. Fortunately, it's not up to the individual to lift itself to heaven by it's own bootstraps ("You can't git to heaven on roller-skates...), and that wot can don't care whether you recognize wot it's done for-you or not. That's why you gotta recognize when and if it happens, and it's up to you to recognize that what did happen has me-and-thee-ing (meaning), and if you poo poo it and shine it on, it's gonna break your heart into itty-bitty-pieces. '-)

It was only when I begin to grok that this entire conversation is about identification of my own true being that I realized that, I too, can use the gifts of my enlightenment with impunity. Why impunity? It's because that what makes me an individual can't be comprehended sensorily in order to set the concept of it into law. I am is the only one who gnows my me.

That's me alright. How many do you know? Nobody much knows their own me, and it might take a jury of my own peers to coordinate a perspective by which a law against me being myself could be enacted into a no-no (double negative, which is required for "seeing" positive hallucinations) and what else is God (good) but that?

It's a paradox and a double or triple bind all at the sa-me ti-me. One can't make a law against it without (at the sa-me ti-me), making the same law work for-it. I.E., you can't have One without the Other unless you negate both, and then you're back to one or the other again to satisfy "either or" logic.
☥