Some people have written me and asked me when I'm gonna write about my trip to Washington State to attend my daughter's wedding. The emotions are still raw, and I'm such a sissy that I'm a little embarrassed about how much time I spent crying. My brother and his wife witnessed some of it, but there was a lot more than they saw or anybody else. My ex-wife and two daughters saw none of it. I kept my cool pretty good in front of them, but I wasn't hiding anything. I was just in a different gear around them. I only had so much time there, and I didn't wanna self-indulge with the time I had. Granted, I was there for me, but I was mostly there FOR them, and I surprised myself by how I was able to give it up.
My brother did all the planning of the trip down to practically the last detail. What surprised me was how much he enjoyed it. I find out little by little when I realized he had thought of and attended to some detail I would suddenly realize he had taken care of, and make a remark of appreciation. He was truly pleased I noted, and often enow he would explain to me why he had decided the way he did.
That's where he messed up. Well, not "messed up" in a negative way. It simply means that if I make another trip (and I don't expect to), I probably won't have to beg him to perform the logistics like ordering tickets and getting reservations. He might feel insulted a little if I denied him that opportunity.
That's the most useful aspect of studying astrology for so long. Plotting out natal charts for so long paid off for me in amazing ways. Doing that before personal computers came along with their software programs for making charts made me a lucky man. I performed all the calculations by hand with a compass, a ruler, and pen and pencil using these big, thick ephemerides tomes I had to haul around from place to place if I wanted the numbers near me to reach for.
After all those years of study and interpreting the charts I did make for the other I could find some positive attribute of the other's personality that I could use to get along with each Signs eccentricities and trouble spots such that if I became aware of just their birthday, which no other information available, I could allow them the space they needed to indulge their own fantasies rather than the ones I assigned them for my own entertainment.
To me, everybody has a genius at their disposal whether they're aware of it or not. Sometimes, I can make them aware of that jinn, and introduce them to each other. A genius is a person who has a genie at their disposal. Unfortunately, it's not always clear sailing when various people find out they gotta turn them loose, but keep the bottle cork close at hand. Genies might accept suggestions, but they seem never to kowtow to demands. I've spent my adult life since my thirties convincing genies their masters didn't really mean to ignore them. Many times, the genies just ignore me.
I've kept a decent schedule taking my meds. I'm only taking two presently. Prednisone is the nayme of the steroid I'm taking, and a 600 mg hit of ibuprofen several times a day. I have to take food before both of them. I started out taking two 20 mg tablets of Prednisone for five days. Then a tablet and a half for five days, presently I'm taking one tablet a day, and in a couple of days I'll finish the steroids off taking one/half a tablet for the last five days.
Not only has all the symptoms of arthritis I whined and puled about gone, but even some other stiffness and soreness in my body I apparently accommodated over a long period of ti-me I wasn't aware of anymore. Swallowing this medicine sort of takes the miracle out of my healing, but the result is certainly miraculous to me.
This last bout started with the carpel tunnel symptoms and developed from there. The same way the only other time I had problems of this sort did once before. The embarrassing thing about it is that I did it to myself twice because the ergonomics was wrong. I repeated my original mistake. Dumb. Just dumb. I suspect that if I am careful about how my body addresses my two types of keyboards, I may be able to avoid repeating this mistake for a good long time.
Me and my brother and his wife was gone for essentially eight days. That's the longest I haven't written a blog entry for at least five years on a daily basis. It's the longest I've gone without smoking something including cigarettes for longer than that. Man, I was Jonesing like crazy. That was at least an adventure. I didn't get to drink much wine while I was gone either. My time was not my own. I was out there for-the-other. That can be so demanding for a person who spends 95% of their ti-me completely allone.
I don't know if I'll write about seeing my ex-wife and our two daughters. I don't know how they were ultimately affected by our visit. I was transformed. Okay, I'm still crying occasionally. Laying in bed this morning and realizing what was lost was more than I could bear for a while. I'm not sure "life is what you make it" anymore. Shit happens. Things change. Nobody knows.
I do not attempt to tell the God's own truth here because I don't know what the truth is or hardly ever. I try to capture the drifting thoughts that randomly appear in my imagination for reasons I may not understand. I don't know if the content I capture with these words is true or false. The Comments settings are turned off to prevent me from having to defend what amounts to little more than fanciful, sometime crude speculation. Great moments in our lives never return.
