Sometime when I'm contemplating that Jung quote about what he thought religion amounted to I think literally of the way God was represented to me through the efforts of the Protestant religious organizations that surrounded me growing up, even into the depths of my home. I heard it said that in the county my family lived the longest while I was a kid, there were only maybe 400 people out of 50,000 that were of other religions than Protestant. Maybe 200 Catholics. I knew one personally. He didn't seem all that evil. A Damn Yankee, but smart for coming and staying. Why would they not? My people fought for the right to live here. Four seasons, but moderate winters. No earthquakes and only an occasional tornado, but hurricanes have the mojo on us.
My formative years wuz just et up with Bible thumpers. I think my early religious training was the God I had to learn to defend myself against religiously. Shockingly, that really has been my real religion. Defending my right to play God with my own life. Somebody is going to do it. Why not me? The truth of it is that nobody knows. They really don't. Nobody knows I'm actively, eagerly, playing God with my own life. When they perceive me, if ever, they just see what they'd be doing if they were me. Since I know that, why would I not play to their innate dispositions? I didn't study acting for nothing. They correct my migration flight from the ground I fly over them with. That's right. I take my ground of being with me. It's my carryon luggage. Since it's doable, I'd be crazy not to. Are you with me people?
I didn't know what I was fighting FOR. I damned sure knew I was trying desperately to keep them from convincing me I belonged in the pigeon hole they selected for me. I knew that! Maybe I was surreptitiously seeking a pigeon-hole of my own, and they were just trying to help, but I honestly don't think they understood that I was attempting to establish my own personality for my own reasons. Worse, I didn't either.
I couldn't have prayed to happen what I saw and experienced in my remembering vision a half lifetime ago. I never imagined anything like that was possible. I wouldn't have known what to pray for. Even when I got what I got I didn't know what I had. I would have to live at least as long as I already had to find out, and I didn't know for sure it would ever become clear and lucid even then. Again, I didn't know what to prey for.
That's why it HAD to be unearned and undeserved. If I had worked for it, I wouldn't have know what the goal would have to be to inspire me for half a lifetime. A half of a lifetime totally obsessed with what I didn't know would kill me if it didn't save me.
I do not attempt to tell the God's own truth here because I don't know what the truth is or hardly ever. I try to capture the drifting thoughts that randomly appear in my imagination for reasons I may not understand. I don't know if the content I capture with these words is true or false. The Comments settings are turned off to prevent me from having to defend what amounts to little more than fanciful, sometime crude speculation. Great moments in our lives never return.
