Sea Sickness And Miracle Drugs

It was raining when I went to bed last night. The room I put my bed in temporarily is what I made into a room instead of an open balcony. I just put a roof over what used to be a balcony, and put up walls to dry it in. The roof over the old balcony is not regular room height. It's less that 8 feet (2.44 M). The top of the mattress I sleep on is around 2-3 feet above the floor... what I'm trying to say is that the roof the rainwater hits is 3-4 feet above my face. It's almost like sleeping in a hard-shelled tent. Not quite like sleeping under a tin roof when it's raining, but the next best thing. Very soothing.

I'm sleeping a little better these days. I've never had much trouble sleeping. I've had to learn to go to sleep in some very strange places that had no locked doors between me and the random beta world. The problem I've had has to do with the arthritic pain in my shoulders that doesn't allow me to roll over on to my side easily.

They don't call this dis-ease rheumatoid for nothing. Rheuma is a Greek word for "flow". Rheumatoid means the pain and aching moves around in my body. Two weeks ago it was my right shoulder that was the problem with me rolling over in bed, but the last week or so it's been my left shoulder. Every joint in my body has had it's own turn in tormenting me.

Last Tuesday and this morning I took the medicine methotrexate as prescribed. My rhuematologist described the possible side effects of nausea and vomiting. After I took the medicine last Tuesday I did have some nausea, but no vomiting. He told me not to expect any perceivable results for a while, because unlike the steroid prednisone, it works over the long haul.

I haven't been taking any other medication but ibuprofen or naproxen (and one series of prednisone a few weeks ago) until I took the methotrexate last week, so when I begin to feel a little less pain in my shoulders when I rolled over in bed I felt like I could safely attribute it to the methotrexate even though it was early to expect any noticeable results.

The nausea I felt after I had taken this new medicine didn't exactly encourage me to look forward to taking it again today, as I will every week for a while. But, the little bit of relief I think I'm feeling in my shoulders did make me look forward to taking the increased dosage today, even though I'll have to deal with the nausea anyway. When my doctor talked to me over the phone last week he mentioned that the nausea may be less of a problem over time. Frankly, it was rather odd to view my eagerness to swallow those pills which are going to make me feel nauseated.

It's not the first time I've put stuff in my body that might or was likely to make me sick and puke. I have a virtual history of it. That's what happens when you tune in, turn on, and drop out. A lot of experimentation goes on to find out what needs to be there for a seeker to get over the hump.

Recently, not a day goes by that I don't see further evidence that the real meaning of my remembering vision is about the installation of an extended database of past life experiences. The same mechanics and dynamics of evolving into a more complex life form has always been the sa-me. I'm satisfied each of us take our evolutionary history with us from body to body as we build them for ourselves as ti-me goes by.

There is nothing fancy or particularly mysterious going on like I anticipated there might be. It's just that after I was imbued with a conscious awareness of how this extended database got installed or had always been there out of reach for me consciously. I started acting like it had always been there for me to use, and I may have been using it all along sight unseen, but the tilting point came when I became consciously aware that it was part and parcel of the all of me I've come to be.

As I pointed out in a recent entry, the most significant aspect of be-co-me-ing consciously aware of being possessed by this experiential database is how people began to approach me rather than me having to seek people out. It really caught me off-guard and I didn't rightly know how to cope with this reversal of fortunes.

People started gathering around me for reasons I didn't understand, because previous to my remembering vision I was a silent, sneaky member in ill standing in the periphery of most cultural events. Suddenly, it's like I'm in a sort of spot light that revealed my devious, obsessive ways, and a genius for compartmentalization.

My remembering vision is not the only time I've become consciously aware of more extended databases of a different sort. There are other realities and other gifts are bestowed in the unveiling of them. I received the gift of gnosis, but possess other gifts and recognize many more in others, sometimes even when they don't.

It can be a battle royale to get them to recognize they're possessed by gifts they use constantly, however dimly lit their apperception displays them. The older I get the less interested I am in their finding out at all. They always bite the hand that feeds them. No blame.

Here's the only whiz kid left who sat at Einstein's knee as his devotee has got to say about the Gospel of Thomas saying about hating your parents:

Lukan version:



man date l'waty w'la SANE l'abuhy w'l'immeh w'l'axwateh w'l'attateh 
w'labenawhy wap l'napseh talmidda la mishkach dihwe wate batary



"Whoever comes to me and does not set aside his father and his mother, 
brothers and sisters, his wife and children, even his own life, cannot be my 
disciple."



Jack Kilmon

I keep telling Jack that he's unworthy to translate these sayings because he unredeemably loves his parents, and thus never achieved individuation or his own identity as a homo sapiens. Does he listen? No, why would he? Only recently has he admitted he's beginning to understand my style of sarcasm, and maybe I'm just beginning to understand his mastery of multiple systems of expertise works just fine for him. He's much too gullible to not grow where he's planted.