Luminescence

There seems to be something in the air today. Maybe it's because it's the day before the big election. This is a bigger deal than the Super Bowl by far. There are people on both sides of the aisle who have proclaimed they will commit suicide if their side don't win. I wonder what the body count will be? Voting early was a strange experience. Seems sort of anticlimactic because I did. If I should live so long I won't do it again. It doesn't matter to me who wins personally, I'm an old man, but for my children's sake I hope the Republicans lose. I assume that for those who do vote to return the war-mongerers to power hate their own children and want them to suffer a horrible death. Even I'm not that kinky.

My friend Rainey has a web site where he posts the pictures he takes. Mostly of the local flora and fauna, but he also goes to and takes pictures at various musical festivals and fairs. He likes a variety of music and people. Take a look:

http://raineyp.blogspot.com

I'd like to think of something else to write about except my health problems. It's just that I don't really have anything else on my mind. I've been cursing the government for not prescribing me some pain medicine that would actually attack the problem, but the best they've done so far is tell me to take ibuprofen three times and day and call them in a year or so. I got better pain-killers from my dentist for a toothache. Mind you, toothaches are very painful, and they deserve good drugs.

I'm starting to get a little depressed over the prospects for the future. I walk around with my shoes untied because it hurts too bad to tie them. I don't take showers until the stench gets so bad that I can't even stand to smell myself. Putting on and taking off my clothes can be a real hassle. I took a long, hot shower yesterday, and it made me so weak I could barely stand. That has more to do with this horrible cold I got.

My youngest brother came over to co-sympathize with me. He's got this cold too. He told me there are two strains of colds going around. The one we both have involves a lot of congestion. I took a walk down into the woods behind his house. I didn't get too far. The cold wore me out pretty fast. On the way back I saw him in the yard. He spoke. Normally, I would approach him and we'd chat a while. Yesterday I just waved, grunted some sort of greeting, and came on back to collapse at home. I apologized for being dismissive earlier, but he told me he understood. Just after that he said he went into his own house and took a three hour nap. It' really hard for the sick to cheer up the sick, but we both tried.

I got two brothers. Both of them are younger than me. I have completely different relationships with them. My youngest brother gets along with everybody it seems, for the most part, but my younger brother and I have been at each other's throats since childhood. Even when I try to be at least polite and friendly, he makes me regret is. He don't come near me, for his part, and apparently forbids his children to have anything to do with me. I feel like I'm an innocent victim, but I too have sinned.

Our relationship is almost like a plot in a story and we are somehow forced by circumstance to act the way we do toward each other. My youngest brother is no pushover by any means, but he makes an effort to meet me half-way as far as the family thing is concerned. That's what I don't understand. About all anybody has to do to get along with me is to be friendly, and I'll be friendly back. In other words, don't start no shit, and there won't be no shit. Unless I'm forcing you out of my life for a while for spiritual reasons, I'm so easy it's pathetic. I'm the pushover. Maybe that's what my younger brother is ashamed of.

If you think the typos and editing omissions that appear here are bad, you oughta see what sort of corrections I've already made. I pass over things without the slightest awareness, and then when I go back to edit what I've written, I'll leave double words and completely omit connecting words. That's probably the main reason I don't read what I've written from the archives. It's just too embarrassing.

I'm almost afraid to grok the true reasons for my having to insert foam earplugs into my ears to get any peace around here. I'm legally deaf, but the sounds of machinery, particularly diesel engines drives me nuts. I blame it all on the Neurophone I bought and used, that is, until using it gave me a touch of skin cancer on my left temple, and I had to quit. Instead of using regular headphones, I plugged the output cable from the stereo unit into the black box that contained the neurophonic circuitry, and used these ceramic contacts (covered with brass platelets) to hear the music through those ceramic contacts pasted to the skin at two points of my facial skin. I conditioned myself to hear through my skin. It's a matter of training the brain to recognize audio signals from a different source than the eighth cranial nerve. The technique is supposedly used with the optic nerve also.

When I put people into a state of hypnosis and they attain simultaneity with that null point where we exist in mutual reception, I've tried for a long time to see if they can give they own selves suggestions. They don't realize in real time they have self-initiating volition in that state of being, and when and if they realize they do, they're no long at that null point where the work can begin.

That's why self-hypnosis isn't much more affective than reciting quaint affirmations. I've always desired mightily to describe this state of being, because if I could, adequately, then you would recognize it in your own life because we're all in and outta there numerous times each waking hour. It I could adequately describe it we could talk about it like the weather. It's like trying to describe the wind. One can describe what it does by the effects that can be witnessed, but the wind itself is invisible.

It's the center point of omnidirectionality. If you wanna think about being everywhere all at once and at the sa-me ti-me, then where you'd think about that FROM is where the search for me-and-thee-ing (meaning) would necessarily bejin.

This is the direction I was going before I realized that what I've been calling the "pearl" because of what it looked like to me, probably operated more or less like what I've become familiar with about Black Holes. Black holes as a theory. That's why I capitalized. To refer to the ideation we possess of what might be real. I'm thinking that pearl-like entity I've written about that radiated some strange light out from itself to a specified distance, and because the endpoint of each radiate "arrow" stopped at the same distance from it's empty center, that shaped radiance made it look like an oyster pearl.

Luminescence. The radiance glows from within itself. It moves according to whether it's moving or at rest. I'm reframing this somewhat to match what I read about Stephen Hawking and his partner in crime Roger Penrose figured out this radiation mathematically:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Hawking

I just ran across this Wikipedia article a couple of weeks ago and read about how they had proved this radiation ought to exist around a black hole. I realized immediately that could also describe what I "saw" as a pearl. It was me. The creator of my own illusions. I am is all there is to it.

That's when I began to wonder if this "pearl" I envisioned myself as, was really a teeny-tiny version of a very real black hole. That, this "black hole" I've been describing as having a pearl-like appearance IS (upon closer inspection by reflection) is the core of being for all forms of life we ask about playing Twenty Questions, Black holes gather stuff around them. Like galaxies, for instance. Why not gather together stuff to integrate some life form on earth? Like a mosquito or an elephant or some incredibly small microorganism? True, it would have to be an incredibly small black hole. But, when you're talking about BLACK HOLES, does size really make a difference?

The reason this seems to fit is that the pearl fits the same description as a black hole. The only real difference in what I experienced in vision and what's been described by Hawking is that his black hole only goes one-way and mine is omnidirectional. Mine works like the cornucopia. At rest it's like a closed drawstring poke bag. No thing goes in, no thing comes out. When active, however, the drawstring is loose like the reins on a horse's neck, and all things possible go in and out as they will.

I don't really know if the Hawking' model is one-way. That things only go into his black hole via the event horizon and get squashed into oblivion. He may have provided for that. I think that's the point of gnosis, that I don't have to turn to Hawking' theories for further study. I see the real thang in my weird-ass visions. Why don't you get some visions? Then, you can become hated too. Nobody likes a smart ass.