I've been very self-absorbed today.The nausea from the new medicine didn't go away overnight. Neither did the pain in my joints. I think they're partly sore from having so many tiny little holes shot through them via the radiation from the x-rays. The pain-killers they gave me at the Durham VA is a little better, but they're fighting a losing battle. I've gone out for a couple of walks today. They weren't hard-core cardiovascular exercises, but maybe just better than nothing.
I'm starting to do two things I enjoyed doing in the past. Singing and dancing. I use the drum machine on my digital piano to set the pace for both activities. I haven't been playing the piano as much, but I have been using the drum machine feature about every day, especially for dancing.
The singing is really about chanting. The only letters in the alphabet that can literally be "sung" is the vowels. The consonants are used to chop the singing of the vowel up into pieces. I sing the vowels using various consonants as headers. La-le-li-lo-lu. Ba-be-bi-bo-bu. Like that. I sing the scales using each vowel in a variety of ways. Nobody hears me, so I do what I want.
I don't remember the words to many of the songs I knew in the past. Mostly snatches and pieces here and there. I remember nursery rhymes and Sunday School songs even better than the songs I wrote myself. The songs I learning taking voice lessons are almost all forgotten. I haven't forgotten the lessons though. They were learned piecemeal and in a hardscrabble fashion. I sing the Asian mantra Om Ne Padme Om. I write Asian because I don't remember whether it's Buddhist or Hindu. Maybe neither. Doing it really opens my voice up though.
My rheumatologist from the VA at Durham just called me. I was surprised. I thought he was a salesman and nearly hung up on him. He's gonna prescribe me some steroids for the pain. He says I got other troubles in my knee and hip. No treatment for it. Oh, joy. He practically told me I'm gonna be a total cripple soon, but candidly I wasn't listening all that closely. I could smell what he was saying over the telephone.
I do not attempt to tell the God's own truth here because I don't know what the truth is or hardly ever. I try to capture the drifting thoughts that randomly appear in my imagination for reasons I may not understand. I don't know if the content I capture with these words is true or false. The Comments settings are turned off to prevent me from having to defend what amounts to little more than fanciful, sometime crude speculation. Great moments in our lives never return.
