I like to compare the careactor of Jesus with Charles Manson and see what happens.
Charles Manson reputedly never killed anybody. His followers did because they thought doing that would please Charley. I've had followers willing to kill people for me. I only found out about it just in time to stop it. They wanted to surprise me. They wanted to do what they thought would be best for me in my nayme.
You might not wanna put yourself in the position of causing weird people to assume that they can do things that might surprise you in your not-me (name).
It would take a charismatic to understand the dynamic through experience. I think it would take being in the position of having people offer to do stuff nobody else would do, for the ordinary person to understand what a giddy feeling power can be. A person can prepare for a lot of things, but probably not suddenly becoming a rock and roll star or becoming the President of the United States in your forties. But having it happen on the individual level and with empty hands can be very unexpected and made me feel stupid.
When I had my remembering vision and started using the newly installed database that came with it people suddenly started approaching me and treating me special. Special according to them. They didn't seem to know why they were doing what they did any more than I did, so they just worked up something special they thought might get them through the encounter to find out why they were curious about me.
This whole deal might have come out better if I hadn't have been pretty much of a sex addict for the previous ten years, and it was an open secret. I was doing a lotta things on the sly I certainly did not wanna advertise, so I went through the motions of being a moderately successful married guy who liked to drink and probably fucked around on his wife, but it was a cover up for a lot more than that.
I'm not going to explain or rationalize my sex addiction. It ended. It had too. Instead of me sneaking around to find people as addicted as I was to have sex with, people started approaching me to offer something of themselves to me, and naturally, I chose to have sex with them. This went on for a few years, but I kept getting accused of taking advantage of them in ways that were not consistent with what I thought I was taking advantage of them for. The swore they openly approached me for other reasons, and I didn't really know what those reasons were.
I began giving them a reason to approach me. I automatically set up some rules of procedure to make it easy to do. I began reading palms. Free if need be. Cheap at any price. I always needed the money, but that wasn't the point. I wanted to hold hands with people and find out what they wanted from me. What I found out was that I had nothing to give.
I do not attempt to tell the God's own truth here because I don't know what the truth is or hardly ever. I try to capture the drifting thoughts that randomly appear in my imagination for reasons I may not understand. I don't know if the content I capture with these words is true or false. The Comments settings are turned off to prevent me from having to defend what amounts to little more than fanciful, sometime crude speculation. Great moments in our lives never return.
