>>> Therefore, for all the work, which is the work of self
knowledge, when gnosis comes it is evident that it is
not due to will or intent or anything that you have
just in that moment decided to do. <<<
I was at these people's house I didn't even know, in order to bum a joint they promised to give to me if I'd follow them home. I didn't realize it was what it was when it happened or for a long time after that. I just knew it was a big deal I might oughta remember. I soon realized there was no need for that. I wasn't gonna forget, and I still haven't.
My remembering vision gave me a framework for how to organize the sensory dimension on my own terms. I don't know how this works for other people, because I only see what I think is over there anyway, and it could be any other thing than what I've previously figured.
I've been on this docetic kick since I looked doceticism to find out what Klaus was rattling on about. I recognized my descriptions of my Kundalini experiences in the descriptions I read about the kristos not having the ability to become human. But it was my remembering vision that forced me to realize that I had "witnessed" myself come here and start making myself into an infinitesimal number of life forms trying to find something that was "just right". That's how I realized I was not one of the three bears careactors in that zany fairy tale, but the dumb blonde.
Maybe this is one of those anima stories about the male gender's inside way of being. What happened was that when I looked up doceticism to see what that was about I associated the spirit that couldn't become human as the entity that entered my consciousness during the rising of it from the area of my perineum and blasting up along my spine on both sides until it exited out the crown of my skull. I was somewhat hunch-backed until that happened from the hard labor I did doing farm work. The spiritual force that uncoiled and transformed me moved around through me and changed the inside of me just like it changed my posture from a hunch-back to a militant bearing.
When it happened I was just walking down the beach down toward the rooming house I stayed at. It came uninvited. I was terrified in one way, but I'd read about this sort of event, and it happened to me in pretty much the classical way I'd studied. I decided to let it happen, but there actually wasn't much I could do about it.
This may be so scattered a description I'll never make any sense of it, but it seems important for me to try. What I want to describe is how I stumbled across an intuition that what I am is might be a spirit that deliberately came here to do something very specific that it's tried to do any number of times, but it never succeeds, and might know this is a futile thing to do, and does it anyhow.
The only time I have been consciously aware that I might be a docetic entity was during the introductory part of my remembering vision. I was consciously aware of being a pearl-like appearing point of radiance that moved through open space with the greatest of ease, and experienced what I coined "ecstagony" by the movement through space. I came here and started making myself into various life forms and then abandoning them when they no longer served my purposes. I was surrounded by other pearl-like creatures who were already here when I arrived, and I was making myself into various forms of life to mimic them. In the vision, it seemed like I did this merely as entertainment or just to have something to do.
Since I've begun contemplating the me-and-ing of doceticism and the odd way it reminded me of the Kundalini experiences that started early in life with this golden spirit that enveloped me and took me into itself at around fifteen years of age, I'm beginning to wonder if I've gotten things bassackward. As a personality with a physical body I can no more identify with being a docetic creature than the docetic creature that I purportedly really am can become human. What a mess.
I don't have a clue as to how I can experience my docetic creatureliness in the first person. I suspect personalities is just not how things are done in that dimension. For one thing, I gotta stop trying to be human. Why can't I accept such as an impossibility? If as a human with a persona and a physical body I can't know my own possibilities in real time, why is so difficult to cognate myself as my impossibilities? Theoretically, it might seem as if they were polar opposites. So, if I can't know my possibles as a homo sapien in real time, then I should be able to identify with my non-possibles as a docetic creature. I'm getting nowhere with this yet, but I've only addressed this form of inhumanity recently. '-)
I do not attempt to tell the God's own truth here because I don't know what the truth is or hardly ever. I try to capture the drifting thoughts that randomly appear in my imagination for reasons I may not understand. I don't know if the content I capture with these words is true or false. The Comments settings are turned off to prevent me from having to defend what amounts to little more than fanciful, sometime crude speculation. Great moments in our lives never return.
