The Origins Of Originality

I don't know if this Vitamin D kick is doing any good. Nothing seems to be doing any good, so I guess I'll have to live with it. The pain is in my muscles and my bones, so I'm thinking this is something a little different than just arthritis, and because it's spread out into my elbows and shoulders I know it's not just carpal tunnel syndrome. C'est la morte.

I'm thinking that in my dotage I'll lose what institutionalized learnings I ever grokked, but I don't think I'll lose the experiential database installed by my remembering vision. I'm not sure I fully know or understand the implications of that occurring. My interpretation of wot's sot before me to be evaluated from that database hasn't exactly gotten me elected Mister Congeniality with the people with whom I communicate currently. Either in person or online.

Resolving to the perspective gained by my remembering vision is not all fun and games. Saying what I see from that perspective is more likely to get me ignored, because looking at the world that way doesn't allow for anybody to love what they see of themselves in me because there is nothing left they'll recognize from just being human. No blame.

What if they never have been able to see of themselves in my behavior, and I'm just finding it out. Why am I always the last to know? I'm not sure what I mean when I tell people I love them, so why should they know any more about love than me? Inevitably. one has to define love, as they will to, and then attempt to live up to their own definition of love, but what of others? How can they know what your definition of love is in order to live up to it for your sake? They have to interpret what you say your definition of love is in order to please you. Do they not? How can that be done? "It takes two cups."

This is learned stuff. In the paragraphs above, I stated that's what I'm gonna lose track of in my dotage. Maybe sooner. Maybe later. But, since what the institutions I encountered never taught me anything all that valuable, it won't be no great loss. Not subjectively. What it'll look like on the outside looking in is anybody's guess.

I didn't learn what I learned from the Book of Changes (I Ching) from no institution, although the English version of the German translation is what I studied for thirty years. The reason I don't think I'll lose it as an installed base is because of the dream I had early one morning that told me to "Stop using the I Ching."

Memorizing the I Ching taught me a thing or two, but it really doesn't have anything to do with other people being whatever it is that they are. It taught me to be cautious in ways I never realized I needed to be on alert. I had to create rules of conscience the culture I was raised in didn't accept as credible, and it taught me how to ask questions of other people as if they were themselves oracles, instead of me using the Yellow Book.

Using other people as oracles taught me they can't refuse to be oracular if I do my part right. Usually, they don't know they can be that wise upon command, and it's troublesome when they can't forget it actually happened. "Do it again, Daddy, do it again!"

How people react to finding out they can wax oracular (if somebody that knows how ask them to) is one of the more unpredictable situations I encounter. I know it's because I ask them to, but I can't teach them or demonstrate to them how to ask it of themselves for the repeat performances they crave. It's apparently something that has to arise unsupported out of one's own needs and desires and sustained by their own initiative. They're the only one that's always with themselves night and day, and that's the kind of dedication that has to happen or either you gotta walk around during lightning storms and prey for a miracle that don't actually fry you like an egg.

I don't know what all can be done to have your own remembering vision. I've communicated with people who got it from having an otherwise horrible car wreck. Surviving cancer can bring it about. Falling from high places and surviving seems to get the job done. Failed suicide attempts have been the source of "seeing" your life pass before your eyes. That's all a remembering vision amounts to. Whatever causes it, if you "see" your life pass before your eyes, just like you've heard or read about it all your lives, is what I'm calling my remembering vision, but it goes all the way back to my arrival on earth several billion years ago. I'm writing about my COMPLETE history on Earth, but it's still just a vision of seeing my lives pass before my eyes. This is a better metaphor. I gotta remember this.

People have to walk that lonesome valley all by themselves, as it were, really. Nobody can "see" the subjective cues that's gotta be recognized so you can get out of your own way, and it's gotta be practiced unrelentingly, and a lot of time the process is very disparaging. The self-humiliation is not easy to bear up under. It's a self-contained process, because nobody can know what's going on even if you try to help them. They only "see" what they'd be doing if they were you. The final stages are not imitate-able. No models exist for you to mimick. You have to provide the original material from within yo'self. Nobody else's vision will do.

What answers me is their small, quiet voice they usually project on to other people because they won't listen to that inner voice when it speaks to them. I ask for that part of them to speak up. When it does, and the other hears themselves speak it, it can change everything they thought they knew, but even then it usually doesn't happen until they've matriculated into their own person that can hear themselves speak. Speak and gnow it's them that's really talking. That it's not somebody else's words they use for imitation and mimicry, but their own voice speaking through themselves, because they won't allow it to speak to them in intimacy even though they dream of it being that way. Some won't take it any way they can get it. Even if they do have to bounce it off the other by projecting. "Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Who's the fairest of them all?"