It's difficult to tell whether the slight relief I've gained in the last couple of days is due to the fact that i stopped playing the piano scales and cut back on my typing or because of the way I'm medicating myself with lots of Vitamin D. I'm grateful for the relief one way or the other. If it's the vitamins, then it's gonna be very gradual rather than a miracle cure.
Some people seem to act like I don't have to know where I am to be there. It's based on projection, of course, they don't realize they don't have to know where they are to be there, and whose fault is that? Some people... eh?
It's not the sort of thing you can study up for and have a college of experts avow that you've learned the trick that satisfies all the written and oral exams. How would they know? How can a person who makes this sort of presumption set up the parameters of judgment for another? Nobody knows, and aye, there's the rub.
Sometime I feel so sad to sit there in front of the television set I just turned on to watch a little of the world news and Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. It's because I'm alone, and nobody hears me when I mutter the correct question to the answer that stumps the experts. There's nobody around to be frightened by my apparent brilliance for solving puzzles and creating well-formed questions. Nobody knows.
I don't even know. I couldn't come up with the right question if I was in my right mind. If somebody was in the room with me, I'd have to be there for them, and that would queer the whole deal. I have to make a fool of myself by making huge leaps of faith to find out for sure if I could jump to warp speed suddenly and "be with" somebody else's me, without consciously being aware that is possible in real ti-me, every ti-me. When I be-co-me using the other's me instead of staying at ho-me (whole me), I can't know I'm there except by listening to myself utter a response appropriate only if I was actually ho-me-ing in on their experiential database.
I think I may be able to do this because of the type of autism I seem gifted with. Does that meand that I can't look a gift horse in the mouth? Well... maybe... either that or something very, very close.
I practiced this trick for years on a daily basis by reading palms. I held people's hands and looked into their eyes and told them stuff I could only gnow by a leap of faith. I didn't no what I knew. I didn't stop myself from making unvalidated statements. I wasn't guessing. I attempted to capture drifting thoughts as if they were mine for the taking. I used conjuring to tease them into my cognitive range and scope. I took the chance of being called a liar, a bullshitter, a fraud, a dumb sonofabitch, an arrogant asshole... whatever anybody could dream up or was provided by the gods... to stop me from finding out if I could be two places at once.
Yes I can. But, sadly, like sitting alone in my seedy wino's hootch brilliantly deducing the right questions at Jeopardy, nobody knows, and if they did, I couldn't do it. It's a risky way to invite nothingness to contradict my unverifiable claims of somethingness.
I do not attempt to tell the God's own truth here because I don't know what the truth is or hardly ever. I try to capture the drifting thoughts that randomly appear in my imagination for reasons I may not understand. I don't know if the content I capture with these words is true or false. The Comments settings are turned off to prevent me from having to defend what amounts to little more than fanciful, sometime crude speculation. Great moments in our lives never return.
